Thursday, September 28, 2006

Martial arts, politics and periods - 3 things to report today, aren't you lucky!

1. I went to karate for the first time in 3 months on Tuesday, and really enjoyed it...though I forgot just how evil karate instructors can be! I was a bit rusty, but not too bad considering I hadn't practiced at all in the time inbetween. BUT, my word does it hurt now!!! Somehow,the next day, my body didn't seem to mind the aerobic or musclar exercise I'd done , but it sure didn't like the stretching! My hamstings feel like someone has snipped them in half and sewed them back together with a bit missing. Oh well, pain is good for you everynow and again...makes me appreciate my body much more when it's behaving!

2. Been watching the labour party conference off and on (maybe i'm slighlty more interested as it's happening in Manchester!). Caught some of Gordon Brown's speech and have seen Tony Blair and Bill Clinton talk. Now, I'm not a massive labour supporter, in that I have been know to vote-Lib. Dem (though I am definitely left-wing). Watching Bill Clinton and Tony Blair talk was actually really inspiring, it suprised me. Normally I listen to politicians talk, and after 5-10mins I start to get bored..but I listened to both of their speeches in full, and they actually had me interested - they seemed to be talking sense...something which I don't often feel when I listen to politicians!! I could see how passionate they were about what they did, and they seemed to genuinely care about helping people in Africa and climate change. I know people who would think me naive for saying that, but it's what I felt. Man, I must be maturing - I'm posting about politicians! Anyway, I might see if I can dig up other inspiring speeches on the net when I have time...I know it's geeky, but it was fascinating listening to what people of that experience and intelligence had to say, what they think of the world.

3. Finally - why do I have to be such a slave to my body?! Every month, for a week or so before my period...I constantly have a craving to eat, but it's not hunger or a need...I just want it. This doesn't sound particularly awful, but sometimes the craving is so strong it's distracting. It's pathetic I know! I think this bothers me more because I struggle with my weight anyway. I can deal with being extra emotional for a bit, getting the odd spot or 2 for a few days...but that really bothers me. The funny thing is...as soon as I actually get my period, all I feel is sick and I don't want to eat at all! The female body is a strange thing at times.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

While I was visiting my uni friends over the weekend, I noticed that I still have an old habit from when I was younger. The same thing happened again the other day when I met some friends from home, though I don't remember the exact context of either. I don't want this habit anymore...it's redundant in my life now. I want to write this for myself, so that if I catch myself doing it I can come back and remind myself why I don't need to. Anyone reading this should be warned that below is going to seem a bit self-involved (who am I kidding, this whole website is self involved!) ok...self-appreciating, but I need to write this for me. Just feel free to stop reading if the violin music in the background gets to you or you need to find a sick bag :)

When I was in primary school, there were 4 of us who were a bit better at some subjects than the the rest of the class, and we were quite often given some different work, mainly in maths. Being singled out like this makes you obviously different, and while I wasn't teased about this particularly, it was just something else that made me stand out. So, I started pretending to be slower than I was because it was something I could control. When someone asked me a question I instantly knew the answer to..I'd deliberately pause and pretend like I was thinking. I started doing the same thing in secondary school when someone asked how I knew something, or questioned me in that way. This meant that by the time I got to 6th form, I did it without even thinking (oh the irony!). I was asked something, I pretended to think about it, then I gave the answer....just to make myself fit in a bit better. The thing is...the people I was trying to fit in with, were often just as clever or quite often cleverer than I am. I didn't need to do it then. I certainly didn't need to do it when I got to Cambridge, but there it was...second nature to me. A ridiculous habit picked up from when I was a shy little girl who barely spoke to anyone that didn't speak to me first, because I was afraid of being laughed at.

I hate that I still do this...yes, sometimes I genuinely need to think (ok, most of the time!) but those times when I don't...when I hesitate to vocalise what I''ve thought, it's like someone has a tiny little knife and has just stabbed me in my abdomen. For a moment I'm annoyed at myself, but swiftly move on because the conversation is flowing, and someone has already said what I was thinking; It's too late. But I'm not a shy little girl anymore, I know people won't laugh at me or think differently of me for knowing the answer to something...whether it's a trivial or imprtant thing...certainly not in a bad way anyway. And those that do...well I don't particularly care for the judgements of people who think like that anyway.

So, this is to remind myself that I don't need to apologise for being me, for being bad at some things and good at others. Hiding myself shouldn't be second nature, and I want to change it.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Caught the end of the Charlotte Church Show last night...she was doing a duet with Nelly Furtado (who I seem to like!) and singing Gnarles Barkley's 'Crazy'...one of my favourite songs. It sounded awesome. Charlotte Church has an amazing voice, and combined with Nelly Furtado's, they did a great cover of the song. Was a good note to go to bed on (pun...possibly not intended).

To change topic completely...saw An Inconvenient Truth today. I really reccommend it; possibly cheesy but I didn't feel it was so. Maybe because I really agree with the issue Al Gore was promoting. What is the point of making more money and having big cars and fancy clothes....if you destroy the planet in the process, the thing that allows you to exist. In a way, the things we feel make us happy, are destroying our habitat.

Ok, preach over :) The film was actually interesting too by the way, it doesn't just preach at you!! (maybe).

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Well I did some painting and felt a lot better for it...strange how the mind works! Went to Bradford over the weekend and saw a few uni friends, was so good to spend time with them all - house felt very empty when I got home! Saw an old friend that I haven't seen in months the day after and chatted like no time had passed :)

And today I got my sexy new phone - I love it!! Now normally I'm not one for shallow materialism, but it's great! Got loads of cool features, especially compared to my old phone which just had a crappy camera...which you can argue is more than sufficient for a phone, but this phone is for free....and is with a better deal :D

Ok, i'll stop talking about my phone now. Oh, but first here's a link so you can all see. NOW, I will stop talking about it.

See :D

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I want to draw but I'm uninspired.
Feeling things that I don't want to feel.
Thinking things I shouldn't.

But everyone has their problems, you just have to deal with it! Wish I could just be creative, but when I sit down with a pencil and paper nothing comes out...I'm just blank. Playing stuff like the piano helps, but only for a short while, and not at all if my mum is around (she doesn't music or noise...)

Maybe I should just force myself to draw random stuff then it will just happen? Well, it's worth a try anyway!

Traa for now kiddies, Over and Out.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Right, I've been moaning a lot lately, and quite frankly, I'm starting to get bored at the mere thought of someone else having to read/listen to my rants!

I woke up in such a good mood today, for no apparent reason. Just been reading through the news and there are so many fantastic and tragic things out there. So what if things aren't great at the moment? I know that it won't stay that way forever, and even the problems I have that probably aren't going away soon, aren't particularly new - why should I let them get to me now?

Jeez, they cured two men of cancer last week; Steve Irwin died (RIP); they can drill ice to find out CO2 levels from 800 000 years ago....it's an amazing thought that there are even things anywhere near that old on earth; the government is trying to get rid of our Prime Minister; that whale that got stuck in the Thames had arthritis.... and there is a man-made machine sitting on the moon right now!!

And that is a mere snapshot....there are so many things happening, my problems are almost insignificant in comparison. I suppose some people would find this depressing...but it just makes me realise that there are much more serious and fantastic things in the world than my life...which makes me want to become one of them...make a difference. Maybe I'll never be able to make a huge difference, but even a small one would do I think.

And moping about certainly isn't going to achieve that. :)

Monday, September 04, 2006

I can't believe Steve Irwin died! He was such an amazing person, I rememeber being awestruck when I saw him with the crocodiles on tv.

At least he went in an interesting way...seems kind of fitting really. It must be so hard for his wife and children though. A large part of the world will miss Steve Irwin, but no one as much as his family, I'm sure.

For those of you who don't know what I'm on about, or want to read a bit more about him, you can look here