Ok, I in no way advocate this, but I've been reading The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, and within the 1st few pages he writes this, which I found hilarious. He's talking about how female praying mantises eat the heads of the males they copulate with...

"It might seem most sensible for her to wait until copulation is over before she starts to eat him. But the the loss of the head does not seem to throw the rest of the male's body off its sexual stride. Indeed, since the insect head is the seat of some inhibitory nerve centres, it is possible that the female improves the male's sexual performance by eating his head. If so, this is an added benefit. The primary one is that she obtains a good meal."

Hee hee!

Got a part-time job at M&S today...interview just consisted of a role play with a pretend customer, was well easy! Anyway, it should tide my over and keep me vaguely occupied while i look for full time work in a job I actually want! Wish the civil service applications opened earlier, or even more than once a year, but that's just the way life goes i guess!

Travelling seems very out of the picture right now, unless one of my friends suddenly comes into some money! I guess the world will just have to wait for me to visit them for a little longer than i'd hoped....

I've been feeling pretty down today...about lots of different things that I can't be bothered typing up. It helps sometimes, but it just isn't the same as talking.

Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I made a playlist on my computer of all the songs I have that remind me of uni...of the people there, of something I shared with someone or lots of people. Something to make me smile when I'm missing everyone. Had this playlist on when this song came into my head....I don't know why but it really made me feel better for a little while. I think it's the innocence in it, how descriptive it is of real situations. Anyway, here it is:

The Streets - Could well be in

Cuz her last relationship fucked her up.
Got hurt majorly, finds it tough to trust.
Looked at the ashtray, then looked back up,
Spinnin it away on the tabletop.
She looked much fitter than saturday just.
She worked in JD's with dan.
Back then I figured she was pretty damn rough,
But she was only wearin her work stuff.
And in these clothes she looked more than buff,
She stirred her straw, sat up to adjust.
I told her I thought it was important,
That you could get lost in conversation.
Chattin shit, sittin in, oblivion
With that person who's your special one.
She said she was the worst pool player under the sun,
But blokes go easy so she always won.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.

She didn't look too bored with what I was sayin.
Her hair looked much better than the other day.
She had her fingers 'round her hair, playin'.
I Saw on the telly that's a good indication.
Stood up to buy the next drink though, "Nay."
Suppose that's just our girl's way.
Im tryin to think what else I could say,
Peelin' the label off, spinnin the ashtray.
Yeah actually, yes, she did look pretty neat.
Her perfume smelled expensive and sweet.
I felt like my hair looked a bit cheap,
Wished I'd had it cut back last week.
She kept givin me this look, cuz she would speak.
Was she only friendly, or was she a keep?
Asked her if she wanted the same again to drink.
Started to turn and get up out my seat.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.

She said that her close mates all were
Always the most important thing to her.
I said I thought it was a bit more blurred.
She asked what I meant by that as she stirred.
I told her about the money and what had occurred
With it goin missing from the living room, so.
With my best mates all there standin by,
Right where I left it, under their eyes.
So surely one of them might have spied
What happened to my money at that time.
I felt like they were all smilin on the side.
She was like "fair play" she couldn't say why.
She didn't know what all my mates were like.
And I said she just might be right.
Wish I had someone I could always rely,
Someone to get lost chattin to all night.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.

As I walked back with more drinks to our place,
She had her phone stuck to the side of her face.
I sat for a minute while she chatted away
'bout somethin with her mom and her birthday.
Played for a bit with the same ashtray,
Thought about things while i sat and waited.
It was nice to chat about the shit in my head,
Someone who just listens to you instead.
I looked at the barman, wiping down again,
Looked at the football on the tv set,
Tryin to look like i weren't just waitin there
For her conversation to come to an end.
I look at my watch and realized right then
That, for three hours, been in conversation.
Before she put her phone down, she switched to silent,
And we carried on chattin for more than that again.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.

I'm tired of waiting for my life to start...but wide awake at this moment of time. Just can't sleep, keep thinking about earlier.

Ps. Also been thinking lately...people say things to me all the time, nice and kind things, but for some reason I only really start to believe people when they act on what they say...when the behaviour matches the words. It's through experience I guess but I don't want to become cynical.

Just wanted to note that for myself. I'm not a naturally cynical person and I don't want to be...need to make a conscious effort to be otherwise. Somehow....

I'm spinning around...

So, Ally turned 22 the other day, so we all thought we'd go on a lovely day trip to the relatively near Blue Planet Aquarium. All was going well, I'd picked up Ben from his place, Ally and Seth from near town and we were driving towards the airport to get on the M56. There I was, happily driving along...I stopped at the lights to turn right, it turned green and the road was free....I turned right, then Ally and Seth screamed in the back as simeltaneously a guy drives straight into my back left wheel!! Obviously, I brake, but the car is spun round, and we're now facing the wrong way and diagonally accross the road I had just turned into.

As you can imagine, it was pretty scary! Ally and Seth have seatbelt burns - thank god they were wearing them. The other idiot drivers didn't help at all and proceeded to try and drive past me while I was stuck in the middle of the road! After a few minutes of checking everyone was ok and manouvering my way out of the traffic to a safe place at the side of the road, I got out to discover that the back-left wheel was bent of it's axis and there was a massive dent in the car.

Did the done thing of exchanging details with the other driver who was pretty laid back about the whole thing....mainly cos he thought it was my fault! I didn't get into anything with him though because at that point I was still pretty shocked and wasn't 100%, but had a feeling that it probably was his fault. Some IDIOT woman then walks up and says she was behind him and also thinks it was my fault...HE HIT THE BACK WHEEL! I was practically in the road I was turning into! He said his light was on green, but then so was mine and it was clear when I pulled out!

Anyway, it's for the insurers to sort out now. A little shaken and feel so bad for everyone else in the car - I'll be surprised if they ever get in a car with me again! Main thing is that no one was badly hurt...

argh! Just weighed myself and I'm putting weight back on! Time to kick the weight loss plan back into action. Also just cut my ankle and it won't stop bleeding! That would be truly unfortunate for someone to die of bleeding from their ankle (i'm not sugesting this will happen to me...just saying!)

Still waiting to hear on jobs. Still trying to find someone to go travelling with me.

I hate all this waiting about! I need to get pro-active about something useful - ANYTHING!

But will have to be from tomorrow...off to dinner at Lizzy's house now.

Traa all! xx

Went down to London yesterday to look at the foreign and commonwealth office careers open day. It actually looked really interesting - everyone I spoke to seem to be happy where they were, and the one person who wasn't completely happy in the job they were currently doing, they didn't want to leave the FCO. Main appeal is that you get to help people out and travel! I'm going to apply when the faststream open in september...then we'll have to wait and see!!

On the journey back up here, I was chatting to the guy opposite (well, he was chatting to me more, but it amounts to the same thing!) He was about 40 and had had so many different jobs...he'd been in the navy, been a paramedic, done a business studies degree, been a PA and was now a professional diver- what an awesome job! But what struck me most was how content he seemed. He had a partner, a daughter, was doing something he enjoyed for a living...and while he wasn't loaded, he gave the impression he had enough to be pretty comfortable with. He really opened up to me as well, which was heartwarming (apparently he told me some stuff about his paarmedic job that he hadn't really talked about much before, I'm starting to think I must just have a 'tell me your life story and problems face'!).

This guy really made me think. In 20 years time, I want to have travelled, done the things in my life that I really want to do...I want to give off that air of contentment that this man had.

Funny thing is, I never even found out his name :)

Ok, I have been set up on a blind date...with a pilot no less! Just emailed so far, lets see if he actually wants to meet me - I'm kind of neutral to the whole thing personally, seeing as all I know about him is that his family may be scarily traditional (indian), he's 23 and a pilot!

I seem to be incredibly busy despite not having a job, I've turned into an unmarried housewife! Looking after family and the house...I don't mind it for a little while though cos it's good to see them. My massage 'skills' are also being put into use on my aunty and her strange aches and pains!

I'll leave it there for now I think. Saw superman on Imax yesterday - I recommend it! 3D wasn't that spectacular but it was awesome on imax generally.

Ok, this is weird. I've recently had 2 gradutaion dreams....both involving me either missing it or it going wrong.

The thing is though, I've already graduated.

What is my problem? I'm worried about jobs I guess; haven't found any part-time work yet (think I just need to be less picky and maybe look more, would help if people returned calls and replied to emails though!), in the process of applying for full time jobs, but so far they've all been in London and my parents want me to stay in Manchester. It would save a lot of money I guess, but I just haven't seen any jobs here that appeal or that I can make a career out of.

Also want to go travelling, but there is very little prospect of that so far, unless I go alone which I don't want to do again. The more I think about it, the more I want to go to South America...if it doesn't happen with my uni friends, I doubt it will happen with my home friends...though maybe I can go somewhere else with them.

All I can do is wait really.

At home now, have graduated and I'm sitting on the edge of the rest of my life. Problem is, I feel restless. I want to get a decent job, but at the same time I want to be a free spirit! and they rarely have settled, decently paid jobs! But while for a day or so I was thinking of doing whatever takes my fancy as the time comes, on thinking it through more....a proper job fits in better with my long term goals....I can be a free spirit in my spare time! Though I need to make sure I do make time for the things I really enjoy. During part of my uni life, I really forgot myself, and not in a good way. I didn't have fun in the way I always do, spent too much time thinking and not enough doing - something which I do too much.

Anyhoo, recognising the problem is a big step right :D Unrelated, but been looking through some of my old artwork from GCSE/A level...some of it really is SHITE! Think I might re-do some of them to my (seemingly) improved standards!

Apart from that, life as usual at home. Grandparents are here which is cool, though slightly restricting (i can deal with that for a little while though cos it's nice to see them). A million errands to run, but it keeps me busy which is good. Job hunting and looking at travel stuff - I WANT TO GET AWAY!! i miss seeing new places, challenging myself to cope with exciting new situations! Possibly going to South America with some friends from uni, would be awesome if that works out!

That's all for now folks. Over and out.