Also, was just looking through some old posts and found one about a run I went on a year or so ago. I used to really enjoy it, and oddly especially at night. However, I've found that I've stopped running over the past few months.

I tried to train for a 10k in July just gone, and found that my asthma was really a problem. Running started becoming a chore, something I had to do for a certain amount of time/distance because I had a target to reach. Well, I didn't reach it because I hadn't factored asthma attacks into my schedule, which kind of holds things back a little.

And I haven't run since. I've never been great at running, even before all this asthma stuff, but I want to start again. This time without a target - I'll go when I want to and when I feel I can. I just want to enjoy it again.

As a slight side issue - I had my first ever asthma attack when training for that 10k run. It scared the crap out of me. Up until then I'd been pretending that I didn't *really* have asthma. It didn't stop me doing anything, I just had tightness in my chest sometimes. Well that day it stopped me in my tracks, more literally than I like to remember.

I didn't think it had affected me much, but I when I went to the doctor about it, I burst into tears. I wasn't even sure why I was crying at the time and I ended up giving the doctor a reason that wasn't really true, because they obviously wanted to know why this girl was crying in their office, when all she was doing is explaining that she, an asthmatic, had had an asthma attack.

I think the reason I burst into tears was that it suddenly hit me that I was an asthmatic. That may sound weird, but seeing the reaction of the doctor, who didn't even bat an eyelid when I said I'd had an asthma attack, made me realise that this was something that I was just going to have to live with. It isn't going away anytime soon and there is only so much medication can do. Asthmatics get asthma attacks when they do activities that trigger it.

Anyway, I'm used the idea now, and I'd like to start running again. If I have to stop because of asthma then I'll stop, whether I've run for 5 minutes or 40 minutes. For me, that's just the way things are for now.

There are days when I feel like I'm starting all over again. Which may not seem so bad for someone in their mid twenties, but somehow, it does feel bad. And I know that there's nothing I can do except let time do its thing. I guess one thing I have learnt over the past few years is that there are some things that you just can't force and some things you just can't change.

Ever wanted to feel a certain way, but no matter what you do, you just can't shake the feeling you've got?

Sometimes I wish there was a way to instantly change the way you feel.

I've just realised that I've had this blog since I was 19 years old. 19! I can't believe how much I've changed and gone through in 6 years. I have a steady job, a boyfriend, considering buying a house. Am I really a grown up?!

I'm taking an evening class in political philosophy at the moment which I'm really enjoying. I have to write an essay (yay! - no really, I'm excited!) so found myself in the library tonight, taking notes. I felt like a student again - and I loved it!

Man, I'm such a geek.

Do you ever feel like everything is upside down?

I realise I haven't posted on here for quite a while now - I guess I'm just really happy at the moment and don't feel the need for this.

However, I just read this article on the BBC which I think is absolutely amazing. It's something that happens to me every month, yet it never occurred to me that I might see it some day. This might be corny, but the existence of live never ceases to amaze me :)

Been wondering lately - if you're able to swim...what's the problem with rocking the boat?

Hmmm.

I saw Varekai with the Cirque Du Soleil at the Royal Albert Hall yesterday. It left me speechless. I've always wanted to see them ever since I saw them on the Royal Variety Show as a kid, and I can safely say that I was not disappointed. You go from holding your breath out of fear for the performers, to being awestruck at the beauty of it all, to disbelief that the people in front of you are actually doing what their they're doing, to laughing your head off at the funny bits.

Summary: I recommend it!

1. Have updated the post below to include the BBC link.

2. I got my exam results and I got a high merit - WOHOO! Apparently I was just off a distinction, dammit. Not only that, the paper I was saying I might have failed in the post below...is apparently the paper I did better in!! The person giving me my results asked me if I was more quantative that qualitative - which bewildered me! Anyone that knows me knows I am definitely the other way around. So strange. It might be explained by the fact that they adjusted the 1st paper due to the problems there had been with it.

Anyway, I am very happy! Though knowing that I was so close to a distinction now makes me wish I'd done just that little bit better! How things can change overnight eh? :)

The BBC just rang me and said they want to use a picture I submitted on their website tomorrow -YAY! :D

Here's the link! Mine is picture 4.



I've had a lovely weekend, I think the weather has helped but wandered through Regent's Park yesterday and sat down with a book for a bit, then later went to watch some live jazz with friends which was enjoyable. Then today a friend and I sketched at the National Gallery then went to the Chinese New Year celebrations being held in London (which is where the above photo came from).

This was exactly what I needed because I'm getting my exam results tomorrow and there is a distinct possibility that I've failed 1 paper. Now I've never failed an academic exam in my life, and that is one thing which I *do not* want to experience!