Also, was just looking through some old posts and found one about a run I went on a year or so ago. I used to really enjoy it, and oddly especially at night. However, I've found that I've stopped running over the past few months.

I tried to train for a 10k in July just gone, and found that my asthma was really a problem. Running started becoming a chore, something I had to do for a certain amount of time/distance because I had a target to reach. Well, I didn't reach it because I hadn't factored asthma attacks into my schedule, which kind of holds things back a little.

And I haven't run since. I've never been great at running, even before all this asthma stuff, but I want to start again. This time without a target - I'll go when I want to and when I feel I can. I just want to enjoy it again.

As a slight side issue - I had my first ever asthma attack when training for that 10k run. It scared the crap out of me. Up until then I'd been pretending that I didn't *really* have asthma. It didn't stop me doing anything, I just had tightness in my chest sometimes. Well that day it stopped me in my tracks, more literally than I like to remember.

I didn't think it had affected me much, but I when I went to the doctor about it, I burst into tears. I wasn't even sure why I was crying at the time and I ended up giving the doctor a reason that wasn't really true, because they obviously wanted to know why this girl was crying in their office, when all she was doing is explaining that she, an asthmatic, had had an asthma attack.

I think the reason I burst into tears was that it suddenly hit me that I was an asthmatic. That may sound weird, but seeing the reaction of the doctor, who didn't even bat an eyelid when I said I'd had an asthma attack, made me realise that this was something that I was just going to have to live with. It isn't going away anytime soon and there is only so much medication can do. Asthmatics get asthma attacks when they do activities that trigger it.

Anyway, I'm used the idea now, and I'd like to start running again. If I have to stop because of asthma then I'll stop, whether I've run for 5 minutes or 40 minutes. For me, that's just the way things are for now.

There are days when I feel like I'm starting all over again. Which may not seem so bad for someone in their mid twenties, but somehow, it does feel bad. And I know that there's nothing I can do except let time do its thing. I guess one thing I have learnt over the past few years is that there are some things that you just can't force and some things you just can't change.