Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Am I really an adult? Already? It certainly feels like it. I'm working, doing a PhD, own a car, live with T and tend to be the one that holds it together when family stuff starts happening. And there is definitely family stuff happening right now. I'm also trying to make friends at college, but it's not so easy when everyone else lives there I and don't. That'll come in time though I hope.

I look exhausted these days. I've been doing a lot more exercise as I'm trying to lose weight (and succeeding!) and maybe I need to sleep more to compensate, but I want to spend time with T and go to the gym and cook properly and go out. The thing I miss the most is painting. I've had this urge for a while now to make a big painting - 6ft or something. Problem is, where can I do that? I guess I could do it downstairs if I didn't linger over it. Hmm, if I plan it properly, that could actually work out.

Anyway, the point is, I'm tired and feel like I'm responsible for quite a few things now. I'm actually ok with it - I don't necessarily want to be an undergraduate again (although I would say that was the best period of my life so far). I feel like I'm all grown up and almost have this grown-up life. Part of me wants the rest of it desperately, but the other part knows that once you have it, it's not easy to give it up again.

I'm rambling really - I don't have anything specific in mind when I say all this. It just occurred to me that I'm 26 and working hard for well, lets face it, very ordinary money for a Cambridge graduate. But then, I do enjoy most of my job, which I think I value more than an extra 10 grand (though both would be great...). I think I'm just physically and mentally tired at the moment and it's starting to get to me. I just have to stay on top of it, which I really think I can.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I wish I could get away somewhere. I have this overwhelming urge to see a new place. A totally different, alien place. It's not that I particularly need a holiday - I just went to an immensely beautiful area of Scotland last month. No, I want to go somewhere chaotic, foreign and new.

But, I'm about to start a PhD, need to save my holiday for when dad goes away, and need someone to go with who can afford it.

Hopefully I'll get to go somwhere in February when dad is back. Just have to sit tight until then. I suppose the up-side of waiting is that I can save up more money...