I'm pleasantly happy today :-)

There's something about 'My Fair Lady' that makes me want to watch it over and over.



I would have loved to have been Audrey Hepburn in that movie. *sigh*

Spent yesterday with the family. All 4 of us, in one place for many hours, and NO arguments. Yep, that's right, it was indeed a peaceful Christmas :-) Woke up ridiculously late (been happening a lot recently), went downstairs, got an awesome present from my dad, as did my brother (pretty good for a guy who doesn't believe in presents), then mum made an amazing meal (turkey free due to vegetarianism and last minute shopping), dad got a little tipsy (muchos entertainment) then to the living room to watch a movie together. How lovely. My brother's gone to Switzerland today to go skiing (not that he can ski, but i'm assuming he'll take lessons), so back to 3 of us for a little while.
It was nice to feel like a happy happy family for a while :-) hmm.

Would you believe me if I said that this was all a pretence?

No, i'm not sure if I belive myself either.
hmm.

I put up the Christmas tree today :-)

I love walking around my city at this time of year. Its so pretty :-)

You know what dawned on me today? No? ok, well i'll tell you.
My taste in clothes and shoes (especially shoes!) is way more expensive than my bank balance will allow.
This leaves me with the difficult dilema of having to either lower my standards (god i hate having to do that) or increasing my bank balance in some way for the sole purpose of shopping. While of course, the 2nd option is very doable (its chrsitmas, there must be loads of jobs around), i know that it will only encourage me to buy ridiculously overpriced shoes that i or anyone else really shouldn't have to pay that much for....which therefore leads me to the conclusion that i should just probably lower my standards.

It's such a hard life *sigh*

;-p

14 down....none to go! i've finished all my essays! wohoo! :-D

"There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up."
- Booker T. Washington

I like that :-)

my feet are cold.

Fucking essays.

Mad World -Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
’cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Have you ever read the lyrics to a song and felt as if they must have been thinking of you when they wrote parts of it?

I watched my 1st full rugby match today after having the rules explained.......and what a good choice of match it was..........
ENGLAND WON THE WORLD CUP!!! :-D

Sometimes i become so aware of all the sadness in the world that I can't bear to think of it.
There's so many things I want to be able to change, strangers I want to understand, people I want to console.
But I can't
So I think about something else.

Is that wrong?

Jack Vettriano has the ability to make you feel nostalgic for things you never actually experienced in the first place -Tim Rice

Gotta say i'm inclined to agree, he's one of my favourite artists......

Are you someone to make it all go away?
to protect me from the cruel harsh world,
wrap me up in your skin.
Take me to a place where i can hide
i tried the place where everyone else seems to go,
i didn't fit in there
so im finding my own secret place.
come with me?

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. - Dalai Lama

Sounds like a good plan to me :-)

I will become good at pool dammit.

must....sleep........

I have nothing to say anymore. I'm empty.
Is there anything to fill?
I need some magic, call up the spirits.
Did you train the light that follows your words?
Or is it a process of diffusion, balancing out the darkness before them.
Does the beat of your step echo in your dreams?
Promise to me lend me your angels.
Do you feel the same as the people you touch?
Don't read my confused eyes.
I'm empty. I have nothing of worth to say to you.

I'm exhausted.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!!!
Have a great day.....sorry if the card arrives late!
loads of love xxx

Fire drills at 7.30am are a bad thing on any day, but especially so when its on my lie-in day...my 1st lecture wasn't until 12pm!!
Anyhoo, guess it made me do some work.

ok, cambridge are just taking the piss now.
I have an essay for tomorrow, a supervision and a seminar on thursday and an essay for friday. I also have 2 more essays due in for next week and 2 more supervisions. Plus lectures.
Somehow i also have to fit my social life into all this.
If anyone was ever gonna teach me to be organised, then this is probably the best way to do it. Load me with so much work that if i don't spend all my spare time working then i'll miss all my deadlines spectacularly.

But still i'm sitting here posting on my blog.......will i ever learn??

What is it that you're so afraid of?

Its our fears that control our lives in the end.
Fear of embaracment, of loosing somone, something, our dignity, of being alone, of being wrong, of being hurt.

Surely its these fears that stop us from doing things which otherwise we would do..... Is overcoming our fears one of the the secrets to leading the fullest life possible?
The only flaw is that we need fear for survival. Fight or flight. If you fear nothing, not even death, then your full life may be very short.

hmm. One to ponder over maybe.

Rarrr!!

That's all I have to say about that.

note to self: repeatedly headering a football = bruise on forehead.

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. -Stephen Hawking

The sky here is so clear at night. Not sure i can describe the beauty of the stars.
My skin is still numb from the cold, creeping inwards from the outside.
I thought i was forgetting how to feel...consoling and sympathising, yet refusing to immerse myself, determined to be detached.
But in the absence of night clouds, i'm left in awe.
I haven't captured, and can't release the words. Paint and music fail me.
They draw me away, pull out the tears.

Take what you will or can from my words.
I can't explain the only thing that makes sense to me.

and exhale........
phew. Some peace at last.

(at least for now)

Acoustic #3 - Goo Goo Dolls

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all this screaming
No one’s listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
’cause she’s got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
’cause the world got in her way
What’s the point ever trying
Nothing’s changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you’re falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all the screaming
You’re not listening anyway

It can be kind of comforting to know that your father is right about something. Even if its about something as stupid as the weather.

On a silent autumn morning in my corner of the world.
A red balloon floated accross the nervous velvet grass.
Under no ones' control but the wind.
A visiting stranger in a beautiful land.
It hung for just a moment, hesitant as to where to go
and then, just like that
it was gone.

slowly, slowly, the feeling slips back.........

Well, I'm finally here......
had a fab freshers week. met muchos people, drunk lots and joined many many societies. (not necessarily in that order though!) obviously can't go to them all but to name a few.....revelations rock gospel choir, art society, football, jiu jitsu, music society.......... :-)
My corridor are all great, really friendly......Only downside is that I've only been here a week and already have 3 essays!! Three! Anyways, it not as if I didn't know what I was letting myself in for........... :-p Have a got a field trip this weekend to.....wait for it.....stone henge! For some reason i find this hilarious but everyone else seems to think its cool :-)
Anyways thats it for now.....connected myself to the internet last night :-D (am almost getting good at this computer larky...!) so i now have ease of access.......mmm :-)

Everybody except my mother has abandoned me!
Well now its my turn....i'm off to uni!
Up until now its just been something i will do one day...like getting married or having a salary paid job. I've even managed to fool myself for this whole year even when i had a place. But there's no putting it off now.My things are packed (nearly) and I'm going.....tomorrow....!!

I love autumn :-) Missed it last year. The tree in my garden has turned bright red. I love watching it at this time of year, when at a certain time of the day the sunlight will catch it and make it glow, like a fire in the green.

According to the people at emode, my theme song is 'walking on sunshine':
Your upbeat approach to life makes "Walking on Sunshine" the perfect anthem for you. We can see you dancing down the vegetable isle with your grocery cart, smiling at all the checkout clerks. We sure hope you've had your Wheaties to keep up with your perky pace all day long. This happy, horn-driven tune carries you to work every day. And even in those brief lapses when you're not fully on your game, "Walking On Sunshine" seems to put things in perspective and get you back to your super groove. "And don't it feel good?" Who cares that this tune was a one-hit wonder for Katrina and the Waves? Even that quality matches your one-of-a-kindness. You're walkin' on sunshine and spreading it wherever you go.

Hmm, i guess its true sometimes, but not sure i always have a 'perky pace all day long' That would drive myself and everyone around me mad i think!

I set up a new computer all by myself yesterday :-D
Ok, maybe not a huge achivement but I'm still pleased with myself! Starting to get my stuff together for uni now. Is exciting and scary at the same time......especially scary because everybody is leaving me! My mum will be here though to drop me off, even though she avoids long distance driving whenever possible......which up until now, i think has been always!
My whole family will be away in a few weeks, but i'll have been at uni about 2 weeks by then so shouldn't need anything.........its good to rely on yourself sometimes though....and its not like i havent before.........
ho hum.

"We are most alive when we're in love." -John Updike

Why do people always want to take it a step further? There must be people who are content to just have a nice conversation with someone and leave it at that.

Its been a long time since we had an evening out, just me and her. It was long overdue.

It really hits me sometimes, just how messed up the world is. Or maybe its just the way I perceive it? No. I think i'm right. All in all, when the scales are laden with their weights........it shows that there really is something wrong in the way we choose to run the world, or even our personal lives sometimes i reckon.
But hey, even if this is just my humble opinion...let me end on this quote "It is no measure of sanity to agree with a profoundly sick world"

.....or something to that effect, can't remember who said it now.
I don't even know why i'm saying this, it's not as if I can do anything specific to change it all. Is there?

I lost myself amongst beautiful things today.
I needed that.

I sat and watched the birds in my back garden today. I haven't done that for months but its something i used to do all the time, without even thinking about it. I hardly have any idea what species of bird i'm looking at.....and I like it that way. Its amazing how we have a word for almost every object, every concept we can imagine, but sometimes its nice to not know. I don't want to be bogged down with details today. I just want to watch.

Playing with Fairies

The moon was large as I had tea with angels.
Playing out conversations I’d made up when I was a girl.
A book was missing from the shelf.
Dust fairies had pushed it out.

The angels and I wandered through clouds of dandelions,
Searching for the missing book.
For our clue we found a trail of buttons.
The gentle laugh of the angels was a beautiful sound.

We followed this trail on and on.
It ended at a well.
We peered inside but there was nothing but weeds.
As we turned to leave I tripped and fell.

An angel knelt down to help me up.
He discovered a note lying in the grass.
We tried to read it but it didn’t make sense.
Someone realised it was a picture drawn in letters.

We went back home to decipher the page.
The picture was of a smile.
To our delight the book had returned home too.
Put neatly back in its place.

The dust fairies had pulled it back in
As a surprise for the angels and me.
The only evidence was the disturbed dust
And a cunning letter smile.

Sometimes I'm just so angry at people and the world, but i have no idea why
and all I can do to make myself better is to break useless things and to let myself cry.
I wonder if anyone really knows me, and why I automatically hide feelings away
concerned eyes and caring hands ask me what's wrong and I hesitate to say.
I don't want to tell them, I can't be bothered to make them to see
Sometimes I just want to be left to myself, I just want people to let me be.

I'm fed up of saying goodbye to people, and there are still more to come. Soon there'll be hardly anyone left for me to bid farewell to when my time comes

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." -G. K. Chesterton

Made me laugh so thought i'd share :-)

Well, its certainly been an interesting year to say the least, one i'll never forget.......but as with everything else all good things must come to an end and therefore so must this. In a few weeks the next chapter will start to be written and i'll have to return back to the world's reality.
Already i'm receiving letters calling for my presence......I suppose the prologue to the next chapter if you will.............

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain

What a clever man :-)

There was a rainbow today. A complete one too :-)

Sometimes you just don't have the words to thank someone for what they did for you...simply because you're not sure what it was. The only sure thing is that it made you feel good for a while, and even something as vague as that is a blessing in this world.

Care to dance?

I heard an echo from within the dark.
I didn’t see you standing in the shadows,
concealed by coarse brick alleyways.

Could you save me from myself?
Force me to feel again?

Leaves flew round in whirlwinds,
mixed with the litter and dust.
Its low rustling and my heavy breathing the only sounds.

Did someone tell me I was beautiful once?
I think so.

its nice when you get an email from someone who you don't keep in contact with too much. And its even nicer when they've sent you that email to tell you something simply because you would understand.
hmm. :-)

'the music don't feel like it did when i felt it with you'

Have had that in my head the past couple of days.....its from a song...... but which one?!!

I want to take a walk with someone I want to know better. I want to discover something new, something fresh and pleasant. Something.

Somebody take me away from here, mentally or physically, i don't care!
But if no one will....then i guess i'll have to kick plan B into action.......Scotland:



I think I could escape there. Its a good place to immerse yourself in nature.....i need a physical reminder of my insignificance in this world.

I'm fed up of talking. I want to listen to someone else.

holy crap, I'm 2 cup sizes bigger than I thought I was!

Its amazing how far a bowl of frosties and a coffee can take you.

She looked back over her long meandering life, wondering at the things she did and why she didn't do some things, but the one question that haunted her relentlessly,
Why did people care about someone who had done nothing more than offer them some good conversations and a little hope?

Is that all it took to fall in love?

She hoped so.

Went to a wedding reception last night in liverpool. My dad's away so was just me, my brother and my mum. Seeing as my brother and i didn't know anyone there except a family friend of my parents, we were expecting it to be incredibly boring, but it was actually ok. For some unknown reason we were on the 2nd table....as in right next to the head table. Which as I'm sure you can guess meant we had a really good view of everything that was going on....
...so we entertained ourselves hearing about the strangers' lives and stories through the speeches of other srangers, while munching on their food and wondering if we were maybe a little underdressed..(we'd dressed up, just maybe not enough!)......

All in all was a surprisingly pleasant evening.

Sometimes you just need to go to a place that no one knows about, simply because it's completely yours. There are precious few things in this life which we can truly say are 'just mine'.

Another wish: (not that you care, but hey, its my blog and i'll whine if i want to :-p)

I wish I had a terrace. Or even a balcony. I want to be able to sit up above everything else and just look out on my corner of the world, away from it. Somewhere to be alone in the fresh air.
But i don't have a terrace. Or a balcony. So I guess i'll just have to deal with it like the rest of the human race without terraces or balconies do.
ho hum.

Some strangers can seem really interesting and attractive, until you hear them talk.

I wish it would rain.
Somehow it makes the world looks prettier.
I miss the glistening concrete and the smell of wet earth.

**sigh**

Someone's story

I asked you to bruise your fingertips for me
To write me a song on your morning walk.
Fed up of relying on a dreamcatcher to keep my hopes afloat
I spent my days breathing other people’s smoke.

Our eyes watered under fluorescent lights
as we mourned the lotus flowers eaten by dogs.
Sulphurous matches lit your work by night
As letter by letter you carved our story.

I sent a message by pigeon over the rooftops to tell you
I no longer wanted to see you by the light of the moon.
Wind chimes resounded through the air
The gift you gave to remind me you're there.

A little girl asked me why I laughed
‘because the world is ridiculous.
They lied when they said people get what they deserve.’

I stole a kiss in the alley behind the deserted house
Hours before it was engulfed, kerosene doused.
The entrance to the church said it was going to be alright
Not just written, but illuminated in lights.

He asked me about tomorrow.
I asked him about today.
Then as if to confirm a stranger walked past.
‘Don’t worry' he said, 'it’ll be ok’

Oh joy. Now I have yet another nickname to add to the list.
'Peachi'
I'm surprised no one came up with that one before.

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen, by Mary Schmich

Remembered this song the other day.... was made into a song by Baz Lurhman a few years back as I'm sure some of you know. I just like the lyrics :-)

And do you remember how to breathe?
You’ll need to when you want to scream.
When your fingernails are worn
and your tear ducts ache.

I long to slow dance on old wooden floors
And feel the need to clap when I say I don’t believe in fairies.
I want to be in awe of the magician with his cards
And not understand that people can be cruel.

But instead I drive over tarmac roads
And agree with the logic of unbelieving sceptics.
I know the magician has practised for years
And feel no surprise that atrocities aren't news.

Do you know why I cry?
And why I scratch at the walls?
and soon when you want to scream,
Will you remember how to breathe?

Had a really strange dream/nightmare last night. Is kinda fuzzy as dreams are....after some really wierd stuff involving witches, being hooked up to machines and old primary school friends............i escaped from 'that place' by smashing the windows and running away into the surrounding forest......which odly enough i seemed to know like the back of my hand, and was therefore able to hide from my numerous persuers.
Here it suddenly turned into a lucid dream, so i was able to decide that i wasnt going to get caught, and jump into streams that were suddenly deep enough to conceal me while i held my breath for record breaking amounts of time, or suddenly remeber really good hiding places....
Anyway, i conveniently woke up when my 'persuers' had almost closed in on me , a little confused, but hey what's new...................

Go ahead, make my day.

'Possession' by Sarah Mclachlan

Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...

Cold

Dark.
My skin is chilled
Tears like ice on my cheeks.
Eyelids painfully cold against my eyes.
The wind is sharp
My fingers hurt
My ankles are stiff
Strands of hair whip my face.
Wrap my inadequate clothes closer around me.
The sun is no more for today
Black clouds filled with daggers replace it.
So drenched I’m cold.
So cold it hurts.
So hurt I’m tired.
Dark, cold and raining.
Deprived even of my shadow for company, the weather relentlessly attacks.
Even the stars recoil from the earth tonight.
The winter has frozen me between its sliding doors.
Tired and hurt, i gather the strength to walk.
Even my weariness is cold.

Why is it that some people feel the need to fulfil a certain stereotype? They see a kind of personality and mould themselves to be like that. I listen to them talking and can see how the cogs are turning in their head.."if i say 'x' it will make people think i'm like this" But they don't seem to realise that the most interesting people are the ones who don't give a damn about stereotypes and just be themselves.
I suppose what i'm saying in a rather long winded way, is that I wish people didn't feel the need to live up to an image, cos they're great in themselves.....if only they'd just look.

Even through the opacity I can see the exit door forming its shape, but as always a familiar figure seems to block the door.

Who will it be this time, conscience or reality?

Florence certainly is a beautiful city :-)

Delirious

Cold sweats drenched and violent whispers echoed
While shallow breaths drew the tunnel walls closer.
Fires engraved ideas on retinas
While ever present demons acted out their plans.

Lightening storms evoked the power of fear
And incense floated in the humidity of night.
Passing shadows of shimmering fairies were endured
As panic was brought on by episodes of sanity.

Mirrors talked back and statues walked
Mocking the hallucinatory inertia.
Nightmares and hopes melded into one
As neuron after neuron the lights burnt out.

The last thing heard was the silence of a world
who had nothing to cure a feverish existence.
So left alone in the cover of darkness
Delirium set in.

Its strange how someone who you have known for a month, can know the real you better than someone who has known you your whole life.
Its just a matter of asking the right questions.

....... as beautiful as they are my love, your hands will never be clean. It is not the purity of water that will give your weary conscience rest.

Someone once asked me, "What is the point of art nowadays? In the old days it was to record events pictographically, but now we have cameras so why bother?"
I thought about this for a moment, and at the time just came up with the standard answer of "its another form of expressing yourself i guess, like music and writing".

It wasn't until recently however that i realised how much i needed music and art. When playing an instrument, it allows you to think of nothing else but what you're playing.....for a short amount of time you are completely enveloped in another plane, but you still put all your emotions into the music, with what i'm playing and how im playing it often representing how i'm feeling. The same thing goes for art. I can lose all sense of time and be completely focused on what i'm painting or drawing. It allows me a respite from thinking while still being able to feel, and as with music, my emotions can come out in the style and content of what I have drawn.

Its usually to one of these 2 things that i turn to when feeling something that i either dont know how to or can't express through words. For me they're like a temporary escape pod from which i can choose to return from at anytime, as there's only room for one. So I suppose what I'm really saying, is that these 2 forms of art give me the chance to escape mentally whenever i want, from a world that I can't always escape from physically.

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." -Bertrand Russell
:-)

They paraded my virtues for the meaningless to see, magnified my vices for all who cared and endowed me with passions too carefree for morality.
Yet still I submit to this ever revolving paradise.

So i'll see you around guys, I'm off to see how many people dare to walk in opposition to the cogs.

Happy Birthday Ally!!!
Have a fab day and call me when you're back!
xxx

'Who are you and how did you get in here?'
'I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.'

For some strange reason, that made me laugh :-)

While working in my local charity shop today i noticed 2 things:
1. Old people are really sweet sometimes
2.Watching a smoker who has lost their cigarettes is VERY funny :-p

Looks like the blogging is spreading........thanx for the compliment Neil!
:-)

la de da dee.

I just bought me a GUITAR!!
:-D

Fragility is a beautiful thing.

Why is it that even people who are happy in themselves..comfortable with their own company and have plenty of friends, still feel the need for a partner? Is it something biological? Or maybe no matter how secure you are within yourself, we still need somone to confirm it. Kind of like if you see something in the corner of your eye, and somone else sees it too....it lets you know that it wasn't your imagination, it wasn't just you.
Or even if its none of those.....could it possibly be that we just feel happier knowing that there is someone there to help steady our feet, if ever we feel ourselves stumble?

Because of this:


My fingers are now covered in charcoal and it won't come off properly!

Last night I dreamt of a man who had the most beautiful eyes. They were a dark brown, surrounded with even darker eyelashes. I suppose there was nothing special in their actual shape, but when he looked at me......his eyes were so open, but hiding something at the same time.We seemed to know each other even though we had never met before. He was there with me, listening and talking, but he was holding something back. There were secrets in his eyes that he wanted to tell me...but I guess I'll just have to wait and see if he appears in my dreams again.

It's nice how a conversation with a friend can lift your spirits instantly.

If you insist on parting, at least do me the honour of a goodbye.

Nothing to sing

Your words still linger on my skin,
but I’ve been screaming for silence with my dreams.
Been listening to you sing nothing for years
Looking at your stories fabricated from tears

I was secretly falling away
Into swirling clouds and emerald seas.
Following the footprints of forgotten ghosts
Tracing the stars with a feather pen

I don’t know if that place will be better
I would have liked the company if you would have come.
But you have tears to cry and nothing to sing.
So you sold your dreams for an ear to listen

while I was secretly falling away
Into swirling clouds and emerald seas.
Following the footprints of forgotten ghosts
Tracing the stars with a feather pen

I wrote to you but you still didn’t see
the address at the top, ink dipped in the stars.
Now you have no dreams left to buy back your sanity.
Only your tears and nothing to sing.

I've been dancing in the clouds since the first time we spoke, but it wasn't until you left that I realised where I was.
Now I'm dancing here alone..... but somehow it isn't the same.

Mine

Drowning in the lingering song of Sirens
you were stolen away.
I'm sorry I had to make you mine
blind you with a moonlit candle.
You were so free of the burden of life
deaf to the cries of beauty and pain.
I couldn't bear to see you so alone
trapped with everyone else.
I had to show you the hidden door
to the endless slippery downwards path.
The view from up there was beautiful, I agree
but I've given you the chance to step into the painting.
The clutching hands call out to your dreams,
pricking the hairs on the back of your neck.
You've been hearing them sing ever since you could remember.
I showed you their fallacy, and now you're mine.

It can't be normal to be this pissed about a frickin cd rack. What the hell is wrong with me?

Salva Mea - Faithless

How can I change the world if I can't even change myself?
I cannot change the way I am?
I don't know, I don't know.
I take a look at the world behind these eyes,
Every nook, every cranny reorganize,
Realize my face don't fit the way I feel.
What's real?
I need a mirror to check my face is in place,
Incase of upheaval, fundamental movement below,
What's really going on I want to know,
But yo, we don't show on the outside, so slide.
Just below my skin I'm screaming...
I need a mirror for my spirit,
Yeah, can you feel it?
When I get deep, want to hear myself sleep,
Not drowning, tumbling around and around in the voices
Like a crowd in my head so loud,
I wonder what it's like to be dead,
I hope it's quiet, noise in my head like a riot,
Any remedy you have for me I'll try it.
Just below my skin I'm screaming...
I'm going deep, so deep that I can't sleep,
The pills ain't cheep but the bills are steep,
So I {?} with a booze and a spiff,
Try to snooze,
But who's dreaming, this is win or loose,
Put down the drink, try not to think,
Let it go, fundamental movement below,
And yo, reality is dreaming,
Just below my skin I'm screaming...

What is it with some people that whenever they offer you a drink and you reply 'a glass of water please', they instantly give you a list of all their fizzy drinks or apologise if they don't have any?
Have people forgotten what 70% of our bodies is made up of in this coca-cola/pepsi world?

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."- Aldous Huxley

Not sure I agree, but an interesting thought nonetheless.

I have one simple prayer...please please let me breathe!!

I'm in a perpetual state of being almost about to sneeze....they should introduce this as some form of torture.

Dreams

I fell asleep to the soothing sound of rain on my window. Listening to the clouds put down their heavy burden, I escaped on the wings of Morpheus. He transported me away to a land of which I only remember fragments of feelings and people. He waited an eternity in that timeless place. Then when I was ready he guided me back….awaking me to the silence of a rising sun and a new day.

"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed."
— H L Mencken

Found that on the Times of India Website. Struck me as very true....I just wish they would stop bickering and get on with it. If parties spent less time on finding reasons for why the opposition is wrong, they would have more time to concentrate on their own policies ideas.
Personally I find someone who has thought through they're ideas and can explain them throughorly and clearly upon questioning, much more convincing than someone who says "well they're wrong so anything I come up with is better than that."

Dying to live

She walked to the edge, a vast expanse spread out beneath her.
The wind was blowing her hair across her face.
She kicked the stones around her over the edge, watching them freefall. She could be that free. It was just one step forward.
So she closed her eyes, gave her body and mind a moment to comprehend what she was about to do, and fell into the canyon beneath her.

Strange thing was though, the seconds that it took for her to fall to her death- those seconds were the only time that she had ever really been alive.

You, me and the devil makes 3.

I found my diary from when I was 12yrs old today. I wrote in that diary everyday for over a year, and then on and off for 4 more years after that.
As I was reading through, it struck me just how blunt I was about writing my feelings down. There was no expressing it in a purposely pretty or ugly way...just 'this' happened today and it made me feel like 'x'. Full stop. This person did 'this' and I reacted like 'this'. Full stop.

No explanations, no excuses. I just experienced my emotions and feelings and wrote them down, good or bad.
Why do people stop doing that when they get older? We have to have reasons for everything.
Look at me, I even want a frickin reason for why I started needing reasons for my emotions!

I just want to exsist without being asked to explain why God dammit.

Drops of Jupiter- Train

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

i feel like i'm holding myself back from something. But I can't figure out what it is.
Maybe that's why images of myself flinging expensive, breakable objects through fragile windows pass before my eyes daily.
Maybe tomorrow i'll decide to do it.
and the day after that i'll actually do it.
Maybe tomorrow.

'The Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde.

I definitely recommend that book.

Whatever happend to personal service??

I've just spent the past 5+ minutes listening to some recorded voice telling me to say 'one' after the tone if you want 'x' option. 'two' for 'y' option etc, which then led to about 4 more menus....each time being forced to listen to all the different options i didn't want......after being made to go through the same process repeatedly, i finally reach exactly what I want, only to hear....

"I'm sorry, we are unable to connect your call at this time. Please try again later" 'click'

Arrgh!!

Obsession

Does anything i have to say really matter? Its all been expressed or said before, the same thing said in different words. Whatever idea you think of, its already been thought of by one of the other billions of people who have lived and are living on this earth. Even what i'm typing now has, i'm sure, already been expressed by other people. Every idea you have, its all inspired by something, subconciously or consciously...all the time we are taking in information from the world around us, quietly storing it. Everything we see and experience is influencing our thoughts, our ideas.
In the end is anything really original?

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." - Albert Einstein

How true.

ok, for another friend's birthday she's having a hollywood themed party, so now i gotta think of someone to go as.............any ideas??

Happy birthday Ayesha!!! Have a fantabulous day :-)

Braids intact.

Starting undoing them....

Still undoing them.....

Over half are done by some ungodly hour of the morning.....

Nearly there....

My normal hair!

Secret Smile- Semisonics

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So use it and prove it
Remove this whirling sadness
I'm losing, I'm bluesing
But you can save me from madness

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So save me I'm waiting
I'm needing, hear me pleading
And soothe me, improve me
I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now, now

When you are flying around and around the world
And I'm lying alonely
I know there's something sacred and free reserved
And received by me only

..............Love that song :-)

3:33am and i'm still awake.....tick tock tick tock.........

Choosing my confessions

Everyday we speak and you think you know
Think you see my faults
even the things I don’t show.

You think I’m happy because I tell you I am.
You misread the signals
They’re in a language you don’t understand.

For others I’m a glass that they can see straight through,
but really it’s a mirror, a reflection of you.
We see in each other what we think we want,
All with imperfections
The mirror is cracked.

But I choose my confessions, tailor my words.
I’m carving the mirror to match your image.
I’m giving you my life in parts.

I’m choosing the weapons I’ll allow people to use.
Whether I want to be decapitated or just left with a bruise.
Choosing my confessions from a well ordered system,
some of them erased, denied an existence,

I give to you of me what I want you to see,
always controlling my image.
The mirror that is me.

My thought of the day:
Life: Its like being rained on by diamonds- looks absolutely beautiful, but hurts like hell.

Everything exsists because we want it to. Humans invented numbers, maths. If we weren't here to listen to someone explaining a fibbonacci sequence, the petals would still form, still grow in the same orderly way. Humans invented art, writing. The ideas wouldn't even exist if we weren't here to think or express them.
If art or numbers had not been thought of by the human race, the world would still be here, but in a different form. It exists in the way we want it to. In the way we have created it......yet we spend our lives complaining about what a sucky world we live in. We created our world in its existing form...with rising and falling stock markets; starving people on one side of the world, and food mountains on the other. If enough people want it to change, it will.

If only there was a way to live life without hurting or being hurt. The world is so fucking unfair to some people.

I've got my "save the earth" hat on while typing this cos this story made me very happy :-)

"you have excellent clutch control"

Its hearing phrases like these that makes me love learning to drive! :-D.....just gotta make sure it stays that way!

why do some men seem to be under the impression that making strange noises at a girl will make her stop and talk to them?

are people really this stupid?

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Whose woods are these I think I know
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

Observations

I’m an ordinary girl in an extraordinary world,
watching ordinary scenes,
imagining ordinary dreams.

People go about their ordinary ways in their ordinary days,
experiencing ordinary joy
and suffering ordinary pain.

We eat our ordinary food and watch the ordinary news.
We drive our ordinary cars,
Leaders fight their ordinary wars.

You wear your ordinary clothes and play your ordinary games,
work your ordinary job
and clean your ordinary floors.

Ordinary women give birth to ordinary babies
and ordinary parents soothe their children with ordinary fables.
Ordinary people are dying in ordinary beds,
while other ordinary people are surviving the ordinary odds.

Ordinary people toil the ordinary earth,
while ordinary philosophers wonder what its all worth.

Ordinary miracles happen every ordinary day,
in this extraordinary world
with its ordinary ways.

i love rain.
That's one of the things i miss about Ghana (one of many). The rain there was absolutely amazing. None of this half hearted drizzling stuff....im talking about clothes dripping, bone soaking kind of rain. :-)
There were also lightening storms which look fantastic...makes you realise just how turbulent the earth actually is as you watch the dark clouds spit their bolts of elecrticity at random intervals, thousands of miles above your head...and I haven't even mentioned the colours......

Is kind of hard to portray. I'm sure those of you who have experienced it know what I'm talking about :-)

My lungs aren't strong enough to take the scream my body contains....so it waits indside, beneath my skin. Either for the day when I am strong enough to do it justice, or for the day when it has become uncontainable, regardless of the vessel.
Whichever comes first.

the human body never ceases to amaze

One of my babies........:-)

Went round to a friend's last night to watch a video with a few old friends...my best friends actually. This movie was one of the trippiest films i have ever seen....and by the end it it seemed to have sent a couple of us a lil crazy......
One friend couldn't breathe properly and was having something akin to an anxiety attck (not brought on by the film, but probably encouraged it!) and then proceeded to shout and gesture at the window/non-existent taxi, while she waited for the taxi to arrive (she was extremely tired!). While I on the other hand was in absolute hysterics. Im talking muscle contracting,respiration stopping hysterics here...i actually had to try and stop for a minute so i could breathe! Was exhausted by the time I had calmed myself down. The strange thing was though, I have no idea why I was laughing...nothing in particular even started me off.....

Anyhoo, after reaching home was far too hyper to go to bed so ended up staying awake half the night......am a little tired now, but man do i feel relaxed! :-D

its stories like this that break my heart

why do people feel the need to spell my name with a 't' in the middle of it, despite having seen how it's spelt a hundred times??? my name is PRACHI not fucking Pratchi!!
6 letters really aint that hard!

(sorry guys just had to get that out!)

It took all my strength to throw my life into that fire. As I watched it burn it slowly became clear….it wasn’t my life that was becoming dust and ashes, but my inhibitions, the things that had been stopping me live. They licked the flames, reluctant to burn. They had been irrevocably entwined with me for so long…for my whole life. It would’ve been easy to destroy my life, so fragile is its glue…many people do. But inhibitions…..they weigh you down like lead. I needed to experience life, to take advantage of my chance. I set myself free.

And people say i'm full of useless information....well here's some more.... ;-)

"Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs--bank vice presidents, insurance salesman, auditors, secretaries of defense--and you'll realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears mens wear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the people who make a lot more money than you--Elton John, Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on. They all dress funny--and they all succeed. Are you catching on?"

Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"

So instead of spending the next 3 years at uni...i should just go out and buy a whole new wardrobe! Now there's an excuse if ever i needed one! :-D

"Freedom of speech matters only when there is freedom of thought."

true?

Taken in the park down the road from my house when it last snowed :-)

She keeps on walking the same, never ending path, on and on. Every now and again she decides to veer off into the unknown and explore an undiscovered trail, but soon she is walking back on the same path again, still heading for the same place. She tricks herself into thinking that she is lost, that this path is new, that it is leading her somewhere else……but really its all alike. Every path will drag her to the same place that she has always been heading... just no one has bothered to tell her.

While teaching in Ghana one of the boys I was teaching , after finding out my age, asked me :
"Miss Prachi...are you a girl or a woman?"
Good question i thought.
outloud: "I would say i'm a woman, but i'm sure some would say I was a girl."

Is there one defining point?

He plummeted down.
‘I’ve fallen’ he said.
‘Where?’
‘Into the unknown. The only way to fix it is for you to fall too.’
‘I don’t want to. Not there, not with you.’
‘…………’
‘What made you fall?’
‘Don’t know, it was an accident.'

.......Did he trip or did I inadvertently push him?

I watched you cry my tears. I was addicted to your pain, afraid of my own. I witnessed your tears evaporate into the night air, envious of their existence, of your ability to weep. It had been so long since I had felt those warm tears heat my cold veins. I would make you cry, since I could not. Experience the release through you.
Please, just let me shed my tears.

Searching for bonds

If I could just hold your hand, feel the roughness of your skin as you interlock your fingers with mine.
I could bind you through touch.
If you would just tell me about your day, listen as its highs and lows mingle with mine.
I could bind you through words.
If you would just catch my eye across a crowded room, my eyes smile in reply.
I could bind you through sight.
I could tether our souls to that pillar of eternity....Just give me something to bind us with.

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast." -Eddie Cantor

Came accross this quote while looking at this site....just struck a nice chord in me :-)

The Wanderer Returns

It happened so slowly, the change inside. I did not notice, nor did he confide. I was away for so long, experienced so many worlds. At each new turn I watched them unfurl. Each earth I compared to the last I had seen. I just a traveller, chasing my dreams. Eventually I returned to that familiar door, everything the same, people still fighting their wars. That street I had walked for so many years, now one of thousands. I no longer held my fears. My world had remained, still and unchanged. My mind confused, my heart felt chained. Just yesterday home had been a distant place, now here I was carrying from all those worlds, a trace. I was different, yet everything else the same. He was waiting for me there. I could sense his pain. Who had returned from those different worlds. It was a new person. Can we change our moulds? Yes I had changed, but about this he kept mute. For despite having seen places better and worse, here I was, The Wanderer returned.

Great things about Ghana:
-Some of the friendliest people i've ever met (in every sense of the word)
-Damn can those people dance!
-They lurve music, anytime, anywhere!
-People will only comment on your looks to tell you you look nice
-Some of the scenery is amazing
-Its one of the worlds biggest producers of cocoa and therefore suppyling us with chocolate!
-People (mainly women) can carry anything on their heads....from hi-fi's to apples to planks of wood...and run or dance at the same time!
-it has fantatstic wooden sculptures and art.
-It has a fab national anthem!

Not so great things about Ghana:
-some taxi drivers try and rip you off as soon as they realise your not from Ghana
-It takes ages to travel places
-Actually it takes ages to do anything
-Its reeaaally hot....apart from when it rains when its fantastic :-)

er...can't think of anymore right now......lets just leave it at that shall we! :-D

Im back!!
Not entirely sure how happy i am about that, although i did miss everyone :-)....had an absolutely amazing time...not sure i can put it all into words. Met some fantastic people..... saw a whole other culture and world...... got my hair braided :-D
All I can say is that I'll always carry a part of that country and it's people with me.

It was as if someone had dusted off the sky, revealing all the stars in their splendour.
It was like lightening had struck my veins, as if water was passing through my cracked, parched spirit.
I had been living as a vampire afraid of the sun, but now like an angel i beckoned it in.
Yet all the metaphors on this earth could not truly describe what i felt at that moment.
The first time i saw that spark in your eyes.

its strange how being away from home for a long time can magnify your emotions, or make you feel numb. i dunno....maybe its got nothing to do with being away, but there are days when i feel things so much more or less than i usually do, which is wierd cos though i dont always say or show it...when i have a feeling of some sort, it usually does have a degree of intensity to it. makes life kinda interesting though.

well, im off to ghana tomorrow...despite the fractured foot.....just gotta be careful n rest it lots i guess. I dont know whether i'll be able to keep updating this while im there since checking my email will be priority...will see though :-)

If not......see you in 2 months time!!
take care everyone xx

looks like im going then.........

Should i go or should i stay??

Once upon a time there was a 19yr old girl, who had met up with one of her friends for a drink. Being a very good girl, I had..oops i mean, she, had only one drink (even if it was due to financial circumstances) and so was completely in her senses.......so much so that she remebered to look both ways before crossing the road on her way to the train station to get home. Unfortunately however, it was this very act of looking both ways that was to be her downfall (quite literally). She turned her head to the left, then to the right...simeltaneously stepping off the curb......right into a pot hole where she then fell over, grazed her knee and fractured her foot.(her friend then heroically dragged her off the middle of the road to stop her getting run over!)
She managed to hobble to the train station, grab a lift at the other end.....then was transported to her father's hospital the next morning....where she was x-rayed and given an oh so attractive foot brace thing to wear...looks im wearing one skiing boot!

Am now in rather a lot of pain...but im sure painkillers will sort that out.....also looks like ghana might have to be postponed :-(

the problem with bookstores is that once i go inside them i never want to leave.....

Like satin on ice, she slipped. She continued falling down that glacier of love and faith. As each note of the song played, the further and further she fell.
He stared deep into her soul as they danced and seeing her fall reached out to catch her, until he realised -
he was falling with her.

Do not force your prejudices on me, I do not follow them, I do not agree. You throw your comments like a kite to the wind and expect me to laugh, play along with your wit. We are tied by unbreakable bonds that I have no wish to break, but I wish you could see the world already has so much hate. You are entitled to your opinions, just as I am to mine, so I suppose (just as we always have) we will carry on as if everything is fine.

Welcome to my new look :-)
...Thanx for your help harris! xx

Artist: Nelly Furtado
Song: I'm Like A Bird

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

[Chorus:]
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

[Chorus]

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

[Chorus x 3]

"And it pains me so much to tell that you don't know me that well"
I think out of the 6 billion people on this earth, a large percentage could legitemately use that phrase with most of their friends.
I guess people can only ever know what we allow them to see.....

Nightmares

Her dreams raged on, wreaking havoc on her mind.
She could not wake, free her hands from the bind.
Her body was cold, her spirit on fire,
She was ready to fall off the tightrope’s wire.
Shadows laughed, demons waited to catch her fall.
Her subconscious shuddered, a guardian angel sat by the wall.
A flutter of wings, a swift and gentle flight.
The storms had passed, demons fled into the night.
Finally she woke to the twilight hour,
She allowed herself to succumb to an angel’s power.
Back on the pillow she laid her head
And listened as the angel said
‘The storm clouds have passed, now sleep in peace
for there are other’s who need to be saved from their dreams’.

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
and stare as long as sheep and cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care
We have no time to stand and stare.

'Leisure' by William Henry Davies

While in London over the weekend...it struck me just how fast that city moves. Everybody is in a hurry...even the frickin escalators move faster then they do in manchester! As you walk through the crowds, you are dragged along, forced to move at the same pace. When i decided enough was enough and i started to stroll through this speeding city..i suddenly started to see things. The 2 homeless men at the side of the street, happy that they had each other's company, the mother feeding her two children crisps as they sat on a wall dressed as angels. This poem kinda expressed how i felt that day :-)

Went to London yesterday with my parents and my brother....a family outing i think they're commonly called.

My brother organised it as a present for my parents anniversary, bought theatre tickets and everything -a perk of being the lil sister is that minimum money is often spent due to big brother's genorosity(not to mention student loan). Anyhoo, on the train down the seating arrangement was my brother and myself in front,then my parents in the two seats behind us. As i turned around to ask my parents for food, it suddenly struck me how long it had been since we had done this....gone out for a real family day trip. As i relayed this thought out loud, my wonderful brother graced me with a reply of "Irritate me and i'll kill you"....
oh how i missed those family trips...........

You talked of our conversations, but I have never spoken to you.
You reminisced of our songs and dances, but I have never danced with you.
You described the dreams we’d made together, but I dreamt those dreams alone.
You repeated jokes that we had shared together, but these jokes they are all new.
I don’t think this person was me my dear, infact I insist it was not me.
Perhaps you saw my body there, but my soul was not with thee.

Someimes the worst feeling in the world is when you have an emotion or feeling, but are unable to express it satisfactorily.
Damn its fustrating.

He spoke but not in your language, listened but not to your words. A flash of beauty in an abhorrent world struggling to exist. Barely contained his wild spirit shone through, preserved for an instant. Velvet skin draped over the muscles beneath. He showed nothing, hid nothing. He just existed, obliviously radiating his coarse magnetism, rejecting its power. He had realised that he understood nothing… and that was beautiful.

"Life said try the junk of this angel. You observe her electric shimmer which almost dazzles"

These poetic words were created through my recently aquired magnetic poetry kit (birthday gift :-D)......does randomly placing together someone elses word's make you a poet? hmm. Anyways....even if it doesn't...thanx hannah is muchos fun! :-)

hey everyone...i knw the page looks a bit..well....off colour at the moment, but im currently in the process of changing the page's format, so dont worry its only temporary! :-)

One fine day in the midddle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other.

....i used to love tht when i was kid....had it in my head all day :-)

My tears crawled out slowly but passionately. Each drop heavy with the pain it carried, emptying my soul. Bent and bruised by heavy tears, I stumbled through. My vision blurred by pain’s dew. My bruises will fade, my soul will be replenished, but the agony of that weep will never leave my bones.

if ever you're bored try this

enjoy ;-)

ok, this is just a pic i drew a month or 2 back.....i have no reason for posting this except that i only learnt how to do this today and i wanna try it out! :-D

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." -Albert Camus

Something about this struck me.......people spend their lives trying to be like everyone else and althought it is comforting being able to just blend in with the crowd, isnt it kind of exhilirating to stand out? People seem to think you have to be extra-special to stand out....but just being yourself should make you different from everyone else.... shouldn't it??

Have you ever felt like life is one of those DIY kits, just without the instructions?….You have to make it up as you go along.
Sometimes you end up with the picture on the box, sometimes you end up with something completely different but still functional…..but other times you just end up with a pile of wood and nails on the floor, and a load of cuts and bruises to go with it....

happy birthday to me......:-)

thanks for all your wishes everyone....much appreciated xx

Am having a sleepover tonight in honour of my birthday tomorrow :-D Should be fun.....Only prob is i gotta go for an injection for ghana tomorrow (2 to be precise) at 11am!
There really should be some way to postpone mornings when you have a late night.........hmm, if only......

ok, well this is officially my 1st entry...here's hoping i can keep it going......