Ok, well I keep having these amazing thoughts that I want to write here. Problem is I keep having them when I'm either asleep or very nearly asleep, meaning that come morning I remember that there was something I wanted to write, but I can't remember what it was! Yes i know, I'm a fool.

Since I don't have any wonderful deep thoughts for you, I'll just update you on my life :)

Since I've come home, I've helped my mum out with a Holi function she was organising (a Hindu festival), I have found the room in my floor, though there is still a rather obtrusive exercise bike in there! I've baked 2 cakes, the second of which I am particularly proud of! :D I've seen my friends a couple of times, seen a film or 2 and spent time with my parents over the bank holiday weekend and organised a trip to Alton Towers! (happening next week, yay!) Oh, I've also revised and worked on my dissertation a bit ;)

Wow, I actually have been quite busy! I think I want to do some painting this holiday. I was thinking about my art stuff from school, and so much of it doesn't really mean much to me because my teacher would only let me do life drawings! I would love to develop/work on some of the ideas I had then. Make some stuff that really has meaning for me, not just something that looks cool. The main problem is time and space really. I think I can make both of those this holiday though ;)

Well, back home again. Been feeling much better lately, had just hit a low point in terms of having loads of work, stress and staying in my dark attic room, while all my friends were enjoying themsleves in the sun! Had a cry and chat and sorted myself out though :)

Some things never change at home. I came back to find my room absolutely full of all my uni stuff (my dad had brought it home over the weekend), and an exercise bike (!) As usual my mum has bought some random pretty boxes and moved a few things around, which will just get moved back again :) It's quite nice to have things to do at home, makes feel like I'm not wasting my time! Possibly a little more to do than I'd like, but at least I won't just vegetate.
Anyhoo, I better go and finish finding the floor in my room! traa x

In the words of Faithless, "just below my skin, I'm screaming". That's really how I feel sometimes. Had a chat with the college nurse today, was so good to get some stuff out. I really love Downing College, they're not perfect by any means, but I really do think they do their best to provide the best establishment they can for the students :)

The weather is so beautiful today. Ihe sun makes everyone smile and relax, even when they're stressed. A glimpse of better times and things to come maybe? :)

Do you ever have days where you just wake up sad for no apparent reason?

I found wonderland today. Before you ask, yes, the one involving Alice. It was all quite exciting and scary :)

Linger - The Cranberries

If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you

But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

...This is a beautiful song, it has a haunting quality to it.

this is just to show michele!! :)

It was like focusing on a moving car along a road. Your vision becomes a mass of blurred lines, except for the bit you focus on, that car. In that last year, you had been that car, the thing I could focus on - my reference point.

I want one of those big oldy-worldy globes. That sits in a wooden hold and spins in all directions. The world painted on in yellowed colours, preserving it as it was seen at that time.

My house is definitely going to have one of those when I get older :)

I see so much beauty in the world around me. I guess there's even beauty in the pain in some circumstances. But sometimes, lately, it's all seemed kind of dulled. I can see its there, but I haven't stopped to think about it. Maybe its a time thing. But I've been aware of all the shit and awfulness that people in the world go through recently; people close to me, and people I've never even met, occasionally even myself. I want to change it, something, but at the same time its so hard to think about.

I had a nightmare about something I was upset about last summer, the other night. It kind of caught me off guard. It still upsets me to think about it, but its one of those things you get used to.

Anyway, back to essay writing :)

Since we didn't get any proper snow where I am...here's a little something to console myself with! Enjoy! :D

I had a really interesting lecture on genetic cloning today. How they do it, all the ethical implications etc. My course makes me think about my beliefs and the big questions in life on a regular basis...I'm so glad I'm doing it! I constantly have to re-assess what I believe, and whether I actually believe anything at all.

In anatomy sessions, I sit there and see how amazingly complicated the human body is...and I can understand why people say it must have been designed by 'God' or something similar. But I've also learnt about evolution, about how complex that is and can see how something like the mamalian body could have evolved and developed over a long period of time. It's all so confusing! Logically...ignoring my upbringing, I'm inclined to say that it's all a process of random evolution. But somehow, the idea of a god of some sort existing can be comforting. It's an easy anwser out of things at any rate, maybe. There's so many possibilities...maybe god directs evolution? But again, it seems illogical....

Our genetics lectures also end up making me ask the same questions...it's all so complicated and detailed, we don't even understand some of what happens...yet there are imperfections in the system. Mistakes are made (often resulting in the processes that allow evolution!). Is that the consequence of an imperfect design, or no design at all? just a system that appeared how ever many years ago and seemed to work?

*Sigh* So many questions, so few answers...