I want to take a walk with someone I want to know better. I want to discover something new, something fresh and pleasant. Something.

Somebody take me away from here, mentally or physically, i don't care!
But if no one will....then i guess i'll have to kick plan B into action.......Scotland:



I think I could escape there. Its a good place to immerse yourself in nature.....i need a physical reminder of my insignificance in this world.

I'm fed up of talking. I want to listen to someone else.

holy crap, I'm 2 cup sizes bigger than I thought I was!

Its amazing how far a bowl of frosties and a coffee can take you.

She looked back over her long meandering life, wondering at the things she did and why she didn't do some things, but the one question that haunted her relentlessly,
Why did people care about someone who had done nothing more than offer them some good conversations and a little hope?

Is that all it took to fall in love?

She hoped so.

Went to a wedding reception last night in liverpool. My dad's away so was just me, my brother and my mum. Seeing as my brother and i didn't know anyone there except a family friend of my parents, we were expecting it to be incredibly boring, but it was actually ok. For some unknown reason we were on the 2nd table....as in right next to the head table. Which as I'm sure you can guess meant we had a really good view of everything that was going on....
...so we entertained ourselves hearing about the strangers' lives and stories through the speeches of other srangers, while munching on their food and wondering if we were maybe a little underdressed..(we'd dressed up, just maybe not enough!)......

All in all was a surprisingly pleasant evening.

Sometimes you just need to go to a place that no one knows about, simply because it's completely yours. There are precious few things in this life which we can truly say are 'just mine'.

Another wish: (not that you care, but hey, its my blog and i'll whine if i want to :-p)

I wish I had a terrace. Or even a balcony. I want to be able to sit up above everything else and just look out on my corner of the world, away from it. Somewhere to be alone in the fresh air.
But i don't have a terrace. Or a balcony. So I guess i'll just have to deal with it like the rest of the human race without terraces or balconies do.
ho hum.

Some strangers can seem really interesting and attractive, until you hear them talk.

I wish it would rain.
Somehow it makes the world looks prettier.
I miss the glistening concrete and the smell of wet earth.

**sigh**

Someone's story

I asked you to bruise your fingertips for me
To write me a song on your morning walk.
Fed up of relying on a dreamcatcher to keep my hopes afloat
I spent my days breathing other people’s smoke.

Our eyes watered under fluorescent lights
as we mourned the lotus flowers eaten by dogs.
Sulphurous matches lit your work by night
As letter by letter you carved our story.

I sent a message by pigeon over the rooftops to tell you
I no longer wanted to see you by the light of the moon.
Wind chimes resounded through the air
The gift you gave to remind me you're there.

A little girl asked me why I laughed
‘because the world is ridiculous.
They lied when they said people get what they deserve.’

I stole a kiss in the alley behind the deserted house
Hours before it was engulfed, kerosene doused.
The entrance to the church said it was going to be alright
Not just written, but illuminated in lights.

He asked me about tomorrow.
I asked him about today.
Then as if to confirm a stranger walked past.
‘Don’t worry' he said, 'it’ll be ok’

Oh joy. Now I have yet another nickname to add to the list.
'Peachi'
I'm surprised no one came up with that one before.

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen, by Mary Schmich

Remembered this song the other day.... was made into a song by Baz Lurhman a few years back as I'm sure some of you know. I just like the lyrics :-)

And do you remember how to breathe?
You’ll need to when you want to scream.
When your fingernails are worn
and your tear ducts ache.

I long to slow dance on old wooden floors
And feel the need to clap when I say I don’t believe in fairies.
I want to be in awe of the magician with his cards
And not understand that people can be cruel.

But instead I drive over tarmac roads
And agree with the logic of unbelieving sceptics.
I know the magician has practised for years
And feel no surprise that atrocities aren't news.

Do you know why I cry?
And why I scratch at the walls?
and soon when you want to scream,
Will you remember how to breathe?

Had a really strange dream/nightmare last night. Is kinda fuzzy as dreams are....after some really wierd stuff involving witches, being hooked up to machines and old primary school friends............i escaped from 'that place' by smashing the windows and running away into the surrounding forest......which odly enough i seemed to know like the back of my hand, and was therefore able to hide from my numerous persuers.
Here it suddenly turned into a lucid dream, so i was able to decide that i wasnt going to get caught, and jump into streams that were suddenly deep enough to conceal me while i held my breath for record breaking amounts of time, or suddenly remeber really good hiding places....
Anyway, i conveniently woke up when my 'persuers' had almost closed in on me , a little confused, but hey what's new...................

Go ahead, make my day.

'Possession' by Sarah Mclachlan

Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...

Cold

Dark.
My skin is chilled
Tears like ice on my cheeks.
Eyelids painfully cold against my eyes.
The wind is sharp
My fingers hurt
My ankles are stiff
Strands of hair whip my face.
Wrap my inadequate clothes closer around me.
The sun is no more for today
Black clouds filled with daggers replace it.
So drenched I’m cold.
So cold it hurts.
So hurt I’m tired.
Dark, cold and raining.
Deprived even of my shadow for company, the weather relentlessly attacks.
Even the stars recoil from the earth tonight.
The winter has frozen me between its sliding doors.
Tired and hurt, i gather the strength to walk.
Even my weariness is cold.

Why is it that some people feel the need to fulfil a certain stereotype? They see a kind of personality and mould themselves to be like that. I listen to them talking and can see how the cogs are turning in their head.."if i say 'x' it will make people think i'm like this" But they don't seem to realise that the most interesting people are the ones who don't give a damn about stereotypes and just be themselves.
I suppose what i'm saying in a rather long winded way, is that I wish people didn't feel the need to live up to an image, cos they're great in themselves.....if only they'd just look.

Even through the opacity I can see the exit door forming its shape, but as always a familiar figure seems to block the door.

Who will it be this time, conscience or reality?

Florence certainly is a beautiful city :-)

Delirious

Cold sweats drenched and violent whispers echoed
While shallow breaths drew the tunnel walls closer.
Fires engraved ideas on retinas
While ever present demons acted out their plans.

Lightening storms evoked the power of fear
And incense floated in the humidity of night.
Passing shadows of shimmering fairies were endured
As panic was brought on by episodes of sanity.

Mirrors talked back and statues walked
Mocking the hallucinatory inertia.
Nightmares and hopes melded into one
As neuron after neuron the lights burnt out.

The last thing heard was the silence of a world
who had nothing to cure a feverish existence.
So left alone in the cover of darkness
Delirium set in.

Its strange how someone who you have known for a month, can know the real you better than someone who has known you your whole life.
Its just a matter of asking the right questions.

....... as beautiful as they are my love, your hands will never be clean. It is not the purity of water that will give your weary conscience rest.

Someone once asked me, "What is the point of art nowadays? In the old days it was to record events pictographically, but now we have cameras so why bother?"
I thought about this for a moment, and at the time just came up with the standard answer of "its another form of expressing yourself i guess, like music and writing".

It wasn't until recently however that i realised how much i needed music and art. When playing an instrument, it allows you to think of nothing else but what you're playing.....for a short amount of time you are completely enveloped in another plane, but you still put all your emotions into the music, with what i'm playing and how im playing it often representing how i'm feeling. The same thing goes for art. I can lose all sense of time and be completely focused on what i'm painting or drawing. It allows me a respite from thinking while still being able to feel, and as with music, my emotions can come out in the style and content of what I have drawn.

Its usually to one of these 2 things that i turn to when feeling something that i either dont know how to or can't express through words. For me they're like a temporary escape pod from which i can choose to return from at anytime, as there's only room for one. So I suppose what I'm really saying, is that these 2 forms of art give me the chance to escape mentally whenever i want, from a world that I can't always escape from physically.

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." -Bertrand Russell
:-)

They paraded my virtues for the meaningless to see, magnified my vices for all who cared and endowed me with passions too carefree for morality.
Yet still I submit to this ever revolving paradise.

So i'll see you around guys, I'm off to see how many people dare to walk in opposition to the cogs.

Happy Birthday Ally!!!
Have a fab day and call me when you're back!
xxx

'Who are you and how did you get in here?'
'I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.'

For some strange reason, that made me laugh :-)

While working in my local charity shop today i noticed 2 things:
1. Old people are really sweet sometimes
2.Watching a smoker who has lost their cigarettes is VERY funny :-p

Looks like the blogging is spreading........thanx for the compliment Neil!
:-)