Saturday, December 16, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
It's funny...I've been feeling really upbeat these past few days, and I still am now... but the time for bed comes near, and I feel so empty inside.
No matter how good a mood I'm in, there's always that feeling lurking away, the feeling that I'm alone, that no one wants me.
And I just want it to go away.
No matter how good a mood I'm in, there's always that feeling lurking away, the feeling that I'm alone, that no one wants me.
And I just want it to go away.
Friday, December 08, 2006
I was chatting to my good friend G the other day when he showed me this quote by George Carlin on his theory of life - thought it was great!
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death!
What's that--a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an old-age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young.
You get a gold watch.
You go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school.
You become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby, you go back into the womb.
You spend your last nine months floating.
.......and you finish off as an orgasm!
Was thinking it would be a cool idea for a movie - start with a person's death and view their life backwards, so you learn more and more about them OR, have a person actually dying first then experiencing life backwards. The second would be harder but more interesting i reckon!
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death!
What's that--a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an old-age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young.
You get a gold watch.
You go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school.
You become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby, you go back into the womb.
You spend your last nine months floating.
.......and you finish off as an orgasm!
Was thinking it would be a cool idea for a movie - start with a person's death and view their life backwards, so you learn more and more about them OR, have a person actually dying first then experiencing life backwards. The second would be harder but more interesting i reckon!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Snip. The clunk of wood on wood. The mechanism groans into action, slow to react after so long unused. However it was built well, the parts still function. Click, click, click - it's locked. The contents have grown too fragile for public view, the world too unreliable to be trusted. So with a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye, it goes into hiding, protected from the world until it is safe to come back.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Just heard this song for the first time in ages...
Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...
Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Just found this somewhere, don't know if I ever posted it on here - if I didn't here it is! It's pretty old, but I still agree with it...
It annoys me when I see people doing or saying things because they want to be a certain kind of person. They look at a category or a stereotype and decide that that is the image they want to potray. I understand that people need these categories in order to make sense of the world around them, and that not everyone has the same categories, but I wish there were more people who were willing to only be influenced by them, not dictated to by categories. People tend to feel uneasy around people who don't seem to behave in the norm. If they've just stepped out of a mental institution, then maybe its justified. However, most unusual people have not just broken free of a mental asylum, but people are still unsure. It makes sense I suppose. People don't know how to deal with something/someone that they have no experience of or have not learnt about. What is it about people that makes us yearn for order and groupings? Is it just so that we know how to deal with and exist in the world around us? For survival - dangerous/safe? Thats what it all seems to come down to in the end. Survival. But I don't like that. Its so cold and unfeeling. My personal experience of life hasn't been like that, and even the unfortunate people I've met who do struggle to survive -they are not like that. Occasionally you sense a sort of numbness, tiredness....but always feeling. I don't know. I really do talk bollocks sometimes.
It annoys me when I see people doing or saying things because they want to be a certain kind of person. They look at a category or a stereotype and decide that that is the image they want to potray. I understand that people need these categories in order to make sense of the world around them, and that not everyone has the same categories, but I wish there were more people who were willing to only be influenced by them, not dictated to by categories. People tend to feel uneasy around people who don't seem to behave in the norm. If they've just stepped out of a mental institution, then maybe its justified. However, most unusual people have not just broken free of a mental asylum, but people are still unsure. It makes sense I suppose. People don't know how to deal with something/someone that they have no experience of or have not learnt about. What is it about people that makes us yearn for order and groupings? Is it just so that we know how to deal with and exist in the world around us? For survival - dangerous/safe? Thats what it all seems to come down to in the end. Survival. But I don't like that. Its so cold and unfeeling. My personal experience of life hasn't been like that, and even the unfortunate people I've met who do struggle to survive -they are not like that. Occasionally you sense a sort of numbness, tiredness....but always feeling. I don't know. I really do talk bollocks sometimes.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
In Flanders Fields
by John McCrae, May 1915
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
by John McCrae, May 1915
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
"The heart dies a slow death. Shedding it's hopes like leaves, until one day there are none"
From Memoirs of a Geisha. I read the book when it first came out, but only saw the film last night. I'd forgotten a lot of the detail - even how it ended, so it was enjoyable! It reminded me how beautiful Japan is though, and how much I love that satisfying clunk of wooden doors closing! (irrelevant, but this my blog and I'll be irrelevant if I want to!)
The parts of Japan I saw had a fantastic balance of nature and technology, apart from Toyko maybe, which is very urbanised (but still a great city). I suppose it has a lot to do with one of the main religions there - Shintoism, which is very much nature based. Thinking back, an overall impression (which may be right or wrong - who's to say?) is that Japan is a pretty balanced country. Stunning natural scenery, which they have harnesed and preserved, but at the same time technologically very modern and clean and practically crime free. It's not perfect obviously, the film just reminded me of all the things I loved about the place, but have never really mentioned.
Before going, I didn't fully understand why my grandad loves the country so much, he's been there quite a lot and his house is full of Japanese crafts and artifacts, but having been there, I think I can understand why that country would appeal to his personality :)
From Memoirs of a Geisha. I read the book when it first came out, but only saw the film last night. I'd forgotten a lot of the detail - even how it ended, so it was enjoyable! It reminded me how beautiful Japan is though, and how much I love that satisfying clunk of wooden doors closing! (irrelevant, but this my blog and I'll be irrelevant if I want to!)
The parts of Japan I saw had a fantastic balance of nature and technology, apart from Toyko maybe, which is very urbanised (but still a great city). I suppose it has a lot to do with one of the main religions there - Shintoism, which is very much nature based. Thinking back, an overall impression (which may be right or wrong - who's to say?) is that Japan is a pretty balanced country. Stunning natural scenery, which they have harnesed and preserved, but at the same time technologically very modern and clean and practically crime free. It's not perfect obviously, the film just reminded me of all the things I loved about the place, but have never really mentioned.
Before going, I didn't fully understand why my grandad loves the country so much, he's been there quite a lot and his house is full of Japanese crafts and artifacts, but having been there, I think I can understand why that country would appeal to his personality :)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
I was talking to my mum the other day about her parents and their lives. I don't know very much about my mum's parents - her mum died before I was born, and while her dad only died about a year and a half ago, he wasn't the kind of person i could just sit down and chat to..
But in a half an hour conversation, I learnt so much about him that I hadn't in 20 years. I knew that both of my grandfathers were self-made people (in terms of money, not conception or anything!) They both used incredible intelligence and hard work to make a decent place for themselves in the world, when they were both from poor backgrounds...but I have never known the details of my maternal grandfather's life. My mum told me how his father had actively encouraged him not to further his education because he wanted him to work as a clerk like others in the family...but my grandad managed to get a loan and supported himself that way despite that. He didn't go to university, but he started at the bottom and worked his way up, until eventually he was one of the top engineers. My paternal grandfather's life seems to have gone along similar vein. Knowing that it was their brains and hard work that has allowed me to live in the way I have really inspired me - I want to be able to provide the same opportunities for my kids.
I also learnt about my mum's mother...how her father had re-married after his 1st wife died in childbirth, and how she had to watch her step-brother beat her dad up towards the end of his life, because he wanted the house and money left to him - it sounds like her life had lead her to be a wise woman...I would have loved to have known her.
On a totally unrelated topic.....
I went for a run today in my local park. I go there all the time, but it's usually in the dark these days, when we walk the dogs there. I was running and running...surpising myself at how easy I was finding it, when a song I didn't like came on my music player, so I stopped to skip it. As I looked up, I took a deep breath in. The air was cold and fresh so I could feel it travelling down, re-energising my body. The ground was covered with firey orange leaves and the mud on either side of the path was still slightly wet from the night before, glistening in the evening light.
It was all breathtakingly beautiful. All I could hear was my music - the leaves were still apart from the odd flutter from a bird, the cold hung in the air, englufing my skin as I stood still in it. Just for a minute, I didn't feel lonely or sad or determined or worried. None of those daily feelings I've gotten so used to were there, I just felt...peace.
Which is just what I needed, even if it was only for a minute.
But in a half an hour conversation, I learnt so much about him that I hadn't in 20 years. I knew that both of my grandfathers were self-made people (in terms of money, not conception or anything!) They both used incredible intelligence and hard work to make a decent place for themselves in the world, when they were both from poor backgrounds...but I have never known the details of my maternal grandfather's life. My mum told me how his father had actively encouraged him not to further his education because he wanted him to work as a clerk like others in the family...but my grandad managed to get a loan and supported himself that way despite that. He didn't go to university, but he started at the bottom and worked his way up, until eventually he was one of the top engineers. My paternal grandfather's life seems to have gone along similar vein. Knowing that it was their brains and hard work that has allowed me to live in the way I have really inspired me - I want to be able to provide the same opportunities for my kids.
I also learnt about my mum's mother...how her father had re-married after his 1st wife died in childbirth, and how she had to watch her step-brother beat her dad up towards the end of his life, because he wanted the house and money left to him - it sounds like her life had lead her to be a wise woman...I would have loved to have known her.
On a totally unrelated topic.....
I went for a run today in my local park. I go there all the time, but it's usually in the dark these days, when we walk the dogs there. I was running and running...surpising myself at how easy I was finding it, when a song I didn't like came on my music player, so I stopped to skip it. As I looked up, I took a deep breath in. The air was cold and fresh so I could feel it travelling down, re-energising my body. The ground was covered with firey orange leaves and the mud on either side of the path was still slightly wet from the night before, glistening in the evening light.
It was all breathtakingly beautiful. All I could hear was my music - the leaves were still apart from the odd flutter from a bird, the cold hung in the air, englufing my skin as I stood still in it. Just for a minute, I didn't feel lonely or sad or determined or worried. None of those daily feelings I've gotten so used to were there, I just felt...peace.
Which is just what I needed, even if it was only for a minute.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"
Monday, November 06, 2006
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just cant remember who to send it to
Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again
Wont you look down upon me, jesus
Youve got to help me make a stand
Youve just got to see me through another day
My bodys aching and my time is at hand
And I wont make it any other way
Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows itll turn your head around
Well, theres hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
To come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought Id see you one more time again
Theres just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought Id see you, thought Id see you fire and rain, now
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just cant remember who to send it to
Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again
Wont you look down upon me, jesus
Youve got to help me make a stand
Youve just got to see me through another day
My bodys aching and my time is at hand
And I wont make it any other way
Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows itll turn your head around
Well, theres hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
To come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought Id see you one more time again
Theres just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought Id see you, thought Id see you fire and rain, now
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Just came accross this on facebook - amused me!
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries" This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God. "That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the World's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of idiots I'm putting down South!"
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries" This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God. "That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the World's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of idiots I'm putting down South!"
Friday, October 27, 2006
Just came back from cambridge - was there to research management consultancy stuff and see a few people. Talked to a careers adviser about management consultancy - he said it would be tough for me and wasn't overly supportive at first - understandable considering my cv and the fact that i told him the civil service was actually my first choice! But he was helpful and told me how to optimise my application and the kinds of places I would have more of a chance at. Did make me think a little harder about whether it's the right thing for me to do...but that is why I went down there! Should hopefully be attending a McKinsey workshop next week (in cam...AGAIN!) which should give me a further idea of whether this is the right thing for me to do. In the meantime though...applications applications applications!
I am also about to quit my part-time job at M&S...it's a really nice place to work - the people and the atmosphere are lovely (as is pay day!) but, I AM GOING BRAIN DEAD...and I'm also having to rush applications - it just isn't worth it.
Seeing as I'm about to have significantly less money, I had a closer look at my finances to see how much I am going to have to cut down on my spending! I was momentarily bemused when I saw how far into my overdraft I was, considering I have earned near on £800 and definitely haven't bought that many clothes or train tickets or gone out that much! A few calculations later I realised it's because I am owed £600!!!!! Man, the things I do for my parents. Add some more for the rest of my wages I'll be getting from M&S, and my bank balance should start to look a bit less red in the near future! Thank god for interest free overdrafts eh?
Righty, off to sort my life out, hope I can sort something out for the doggies next week for this McKinsey thing...feel so bad for them, they're getting all confused with people coming and going...but they are getting company, food and being taken out so they're having their basic needs satisfied - hopefully when my parents are back things will settle down again and they won't be confuddled anymore!
Over and out x
I am also about to quit my part-time job at M&S...it's a really nice place to work - the people and the atmosphere are lovely (as is pay day!) but, I AM GOING BRAIN DEAD...and I'm also having to rush applications - it just isn't worth it.
Seeing as I'm about to have significantly less money, I had a closer look at my finances to see how much I am going to have to cut down on my spending! I was momentarily bemused when I saw how far into my overdraft I was, considering I have earned near on £800 and definitely haven't bought that many clothes or train tickets or gone out that much! A few calculations later I realised it's because I am owed £600!!!!! Man, the things I do for my parents. Add some more for the rest of my wages I'll be getting from M&S, and my bank balance should start to look a bit less red in the near future! Thank god for interest free overdrafts eh?
Righty, off to sort my life out, hope I can sort something out for the doggies next week for this McKinsey thing...feel so bad for them, they're getting all confused with people coming and going...but they are getting company, food and being taken out so they're having their basic needs satisfied - hopefully when my parents are back things will settle down again and they won't be confuddled anymore!
Over and out x
Friday, October 20, 2006
-Why does being very tired and being drunk seem to have the same effect on me? I come out with random nonsense via whatever method is available to me at the time. Actual conversation, msn, texting...blogging....
-It's amazing how a child you are barely related to can bring out a maternal instinct. We had a 5 year old girl with us over the weekend, and somehow my maternal instinct just kicked in when I was responsible for her. She viewed me as an adult that she could rely on, and so I became one. She automatically held my hand when we crossed the road, she listened when I told her to say thank you to someone or not to do something (some of the time!), and the whole time we were out, I wanted to make sure she was safe and having fun. Now anthropologists would tell me this is becuase we are related, i'm sure...but she's my 2nd cousin once removed or something - not exactly a close relation!
I don't want kids just now, I'd rather be at least in my mid 20s...but I got a glimpse of what people must feel like when they have their own children, and I liked it :)
-I tried a casual dress on yesterday in size 8 by mistake...and everything but my breasts fitted into it! My word, if *I* am a size 8, what on earth do the people half my size wear?! This just confirmed for me my suspicion that sizes have been getting bigger - a size 10 now is much bigger than a size 10 5 years ago....a reflection of our ever growing society maybe?
Also on a related note..one day, *one day* someone will invent tops that are normal dress sizes, but have varying cup sizes in, so that us disproportionate girls can wear nicely fitting clothes!
Maybe I should invent one? hmm.
-It's amazing how a child you are barely related to can bring out a maternal instinct. We had a 5 year old girl with us over the weekend, and somehow my maternal instinct just kicked in when I was responsible for her. She viewed me as an adult that she could rely on, and so I became one. She automatically held my hand when we crossed the road, she listened when I told her to say thank you to someone or not to do something (some of the time!), and the whole time we were out, I wanted to make sure she was safe and having fun. Now anthropologists would tell me this is becuase we are related, i'm sure...but she's my 2nd cousin once removed or something - not exactly a close relation!
I don't want kids just now, I'd rather be at least in my mid 20s...but I got a glimpse of what people must feel like when they have their own children, and I liked it :)
-I tried a casual dress on yesterday in size 8 by mistake...and everything but my breasts fitted into it! My word, if *I* am a size 8, what on earth do the people half my size wear?! This just confirmed for me my suspicion that sizes have been getting bigger - a size 10 now is much bigger than a size 10 5 years ago....a reflection of our ever growing society maybe?
Also on a related note..one day, *one day* someone will invent tops that are normal dress sizes, but have varying cup sizes in, so that us disproportionate girls can wear nicely fitting clothes!
Maybe I should invent one? hmm.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Coming home to a dark and sleeping house
Sometimes greeted by a swaying tail
lock up behind you, keep out the cold
tip toe up to your den of technology
Waking up to the voices of strangers
Shuffling their way around your life
turn on the radio for someone to talk to
listening to the woe of other lives
Finding the will to get out of bed
stretch out your body, ready for the day
guess the weather outside before you look
Big toe switches on the computer.
Going to the bathroom to brush your teeth
Stare in the mirror, look for changes
Go downstairs to pick up the mail
There's nothing for you, read the paper
Sitting at the computer to plan the day
connect to the world, check it's still there
msn flashes, fingers jerk in response
faceless chat using yellow pictues.
Filling out forms, think what to write
hard to impress when still in pyjamas.
Rifle through papers that document your life
despair at the mess, add item to tasks
Taking a shower, linger in the heat
brace yourself for the wall of cold
Run errands that your parents asked of you
Work down the list of things to do
Finding a new wind to fill out forms
a dog comes and snuggles by your feet
A second one joins, slumps heavily down
simple needs and simple emotions
Looking at the clock, haven't yet eaten
tempted to leave it, lose more weight
Remember need food to keep nice skin
rumage kitchen for something you want
Surfing the net, you pass the afternoon
try and plan the rest of your life
Scary to have a new way of thinking
wonder if ends justify the means
Racing downstairs, paws slide on the floor
Keys chink as they join the rest by the door
Expensive shoes clunk on the laminate wood
go sit on the stairs, join in the greetings
Asking about their day, 10 minute chat
talk about dinner, look at the time
get ready for work, dinner on the table
Gulp food down, say bye to the parents
Going to sit in the car, too rushed to think
have to wait a minute for the windows to clear
Arrive at work, look happy for the customers
Come home to a dark and sleeping house.
Sometimes greeted by a swaying tail
lock up behind you, keep out the cold
tip toe up to your den of technology
Waking up to the voices of strangers
Shuffling their way around your life
turn on the radio for someone to talk to
listening to the woe of other lives
Finding the will to get out of bed
stretch out your body, ready for the day
guess the weather outside before you look
Big toe switches on the computer.
Going to the bathroom to brush your teeth
Stare in the mirror, look for changes
Go downstairs to pick up the mail
There's nothing for you, read the paper
Sitting at the computer to plan the day
connect to the world, check it's still there
msn flashes, fingers jerk in response
faceless chat using yellow pictues.
Filling out forms, think what to write
hard to impress when still in pyjamas.
Rifle through papers that document your life
despair at the mess, add item to tasks
Taking a shower, linger in the heat
brace yourself for the wall of cold
Run errands that your parents asked of you
Work down the list of things to do
Finding a new wind to fill out forms
a dog comes and snuggles by your feet
A second one joins, slumps heavily down
simple needs and simple emotions
Looking at the clock, haven't yet eaten
tempted to leave it, lose more weight
Remember need food to keep nice skin
rumage kitchen for something you want
Surfing the net, you pass the afternoon
try and plan the rest of your life
Scary to have a new way of thinking
wonder if ends justify the means
Racing downstairs, paws slide on the floor
Keys chink as they join the rest by the door
Expensive shoes clunk on the laminate wood
go sit on the stairs, join in the greetings
Asking about their day, 10 minute chat
talk about dinner, look at the time
get ready for work, dinner on the table
Gulp food down, say bye to the parents
Going to sit in the car, too rushed to think
have to wait a minute for the windows to clear
Arrive at work, look happy for the customers
Come home to a dark and sleeping house.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
There are too many conflicting thoughts in my head, and on different topics. I'm not sure I even know where to start sorting my head out.
Walked into work this evening and a colleague told me I looked how she felt. It made me realise just how tired I actually am. The stuff I want to figure out needs some hard thinking about, I'm going to have to face up to things about myself that I'm not sure I like.
I just have to find the energy and the will. I think I already know what I have to do with one of my problems, I just don't want to think about it because I know it's going to be incredibly difficult for me...but such is life....
Maybe I need to go for a drive somewhere when I have a day free to myself, just sit with a pen and paper and think.
Walked into work this evening and a colleague told me I looked how she felt. It made me realise just how tired I actually am. The stuff I want to figure out needs some hard thinking about, I'm going to have to face up to things about myself that I'm not sure I like.
I just have to find the energy and the will. I think I already know what I have to do with one of my problems, I just don't want to think about it because I know it's going to be incredibly difficult for me...but such is life....
Maybe I need to go for a drive somewhere when I have a day free to myself, just sit with a pen and paper and think.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
This whole job hunting thing is getting harder and harder. I keep applying for jobs, and have had endless rejections. So many people I know are going through the same process, but it's still hard. My friends still at uni are carrying on with uni life and meeting new people, my friends at home are partnered up or away...and I know all these people are there for me, all I have to do is call them; but it's those times when it's the middle of the afternoon, I'm filling out another job application and suddenly all I want is another human being to talk to, something less draining to think about.
I've always liked spending time by myself, I need time to myself each day...but I've had so much of it lately, I've done so much thinking. This may not sound like a bad thing, but I'm exhausted of analysing whether I'm doing the right thing with my life, everyday. All that happens is that I get little niggling doubts and I start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing, which doesn't exactly give me the motivation to fill in more forms! I just want to listen to someone else's day, talk about inane things and the world.
I guess this is just a long winded way of saying I miss living with my friends.
I've always liked spending time by myself, I need time to myself each day...but I've had so much of it lately, I've done so much thinking. This may not sound like a bad thing, but I'm exhausted of analysing whether I'm doing the right thing with my life, everyday. All that happens is that I get little niggling doubts and I start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing, which doesn't exactly give me the motivation to fill in more forms! I just want to listen to someone else's day, talk about inane things and the world.
I guess this is just a long winded way of saying I miss living with my friends.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
There were times when you thought
You were finally comfortable with life
With who you are and the way you look
and you no longer had to pretend to be content.
Then something flicks a switch inside
And it’s hard to look your friends in the eye
In case they see that something has changed
And they don’t understand the way you work
Momentarily all you want in this hectic world
Is for just one of the six billion to stop and see
To hold you and tell you it will be ok
So you can summon strength to do this alone.
You know everyone has their tracks to follow
That cross and swerve through the rivers of time
So you swim along, building your track too
Hoping you don’t run out of steel.
You were finally comfortable with life
With who you are and the way you look
and you no longer had to pretend to be content.
Then something flicks a switch inside
And it’s hard to look your friends in the eye
In case they see that something has changed
And they don’t understand the way you work
Momentarily all you want in this hectic world
Is for just one of the six billion to stop and see
To hold you and tell you it will be ok
So you can summon strength to do this alone.
You know everyone has their tracks to follow
That cross and swerve through the rivers of time
So you swim along, building your track too
Hoping you don’t run out of steel.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Martial arts, politics and periods - 3 things to report today, aren't you lucky!
1. I went to karate for the first time in 3 months on Tuesday, and really enjoyed it...though I forgot just how evil karate instructors can be! I was a bit rusty, but not too bad considering I hadn't practiced at all in the time inbetween. BUT, my word does it hurt now!!! Somehow,the next day, my body didn't seem to mind the aerobic or musclar exercise I'd done , but it sure didn't like the stretching! My hamstings feel like someone has snipped them in half and sewed them back together with a bit missing. Oh well, pain is good for you everynow and again...makes me appreciate my body much more when it's behaving!
2. Been watching the labour party conference off and on (maybe i'm slighlty more interested as it's happening in Manchester!). Caught some of Gordon Brown's speech and have seen Tony Blair and Bill Clinton talk. Now, I'm not a massive labour supporter, in that I have been know to vote-Lib. Dem (though I am definitely left-wing). Watching Bill Clinton and Tony Blair talk was actually really inspiring, it suprised me. Normally I listen to politicians talk, and after 5-10mins I start to get bored..but I listened to both of their speeches in full, and they actually had me interested - they seemed to be talking sense...something which I don't often feel when I listen to politicians!! I could see how passionate they were about what they did, and they seemed to genuinely care about helping people in Africa and climate change. I know people who would think me naive for saying that, but it's what I felt. Man, I must be maturing - I'm posting about politicians! Anyway, I might see if I can dig up other inspiring speeches on the net when I have time...I know it's geeky, but it was fascinating listening to what people of that experience and intelligence had to say, what they think of the world.
3. Finally - why do I have to be such a slave to my body?! Every month, for a week or so before my period...I constantly have a craving to eat, but it's not hunger or a need...I just want it. This doesn't sound particularly awful, but sometimes the craving is so strong it's distracting. It's pathetic I know! I think this bothers me more because I struggle with my weight anyway. I can deal with being extra emotional for a bit, getting the odd spot or 2 for a few days...but that really bothers me. The funny thing is...as soon as I actually get my period, all I feel is sick and I don't want to eat at all! The female body is a strange thing at times.
1. I went to karate for the first time in 3 months on Tuesday, and really enjoyed it...though I forgot just how evil karate instructors can be! I was a bit rusty, but not too bad considering I hadn't practiced at all in the time inbetween. BUT, my word does it hurt now!!! Somehow,the next day, my body didn't seem to mind the aerobic or musclar exercise I'd done , but it sure didn't like the stretching! My hamstings feel like someone has snipped them in half and sewed them back together with a bit missing. Oh well, pain is good for you everynow and again...makes me appreciate my body much more when it's behaving!
2. Been watching the labour party conference off and on (maybe i'm slighlty more interested as it's happening in Manchester!). Caught some of Gordon Brown's speech and have seen Tony Blair and Bill Clinton talk. Now, I'm not a massive labour supporter, in that I have been know to vote-Lib. Dem (though I am definitely left-wing). Watching Bill Clinton and Tony Blair talk was actually really inspiring, it suprised me. Normally I listen to politicians talk, and after 5-10mins I start to get bored..but I listened to both of their speeches in full, and they actually had me interested - they seemed to be talking sense...something which I don't often feel when I listen to politicians!! I could see how passionate they were about what they did, and they seemed to genuinely care about helping people in Africa and climate change. I know people who would think me naive for saying that, but it's what I felt. Man, I must be maturing - I'm posting about politicians! Anyway, I might see if I can dig up other inspiring speeches on the net when I have time...I know it's geeky, but it was fascinating listening to what people of that experience and intelligence had to say, what they think of the world.
3. Finally - why do I have to be such a slave to my body?! Every month, for a week or so before my period...I constantly have a craving to eat, but it's not hunger or a need...I just want it. This doesn't sound particularly awful, but sometimes the craving is so strong it's distracting. It's pathetic I know! I think this bothers me more because I struggle with my weight anyway. I can deal with being extra emotional for a bit, getting the odd spot or 2 for a few days...but that really bothers me. The funny thing is...as soon as I actually get my period, all I feel is sick and I don't want to eat at all! The female body is a strange thing at times.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
While I was visiting my uni friends over the weekend, I noticed that I still have an old habit from when I was younger. The same thing happened again the other day when I met some friends from home, though I don't remember the exact context of either. I don't want this habit anymore...it's redundant in my life now. I want to write this for myself, so that if I catch myself doing it I can come back and remind myself why I don't need to. Anyone reading this should be warned that below is going to seem a bit self-involved (who am I kidding, this whole website is self involved!) ok...self-appreciating, but I need to write this for me. Just feel free to stop reading if the violin music in the background gets to you or you need to find a sick bag :)
When I was in primary school, there were 4 of us who were a bit better at some subjects than the the rest of the class, and we were quite often given some different work, mainly in maths. Being singled out like this makes you obviously different, and while I wasn't teased about this particularly, it was just something else that made me stand out. So, I started pretending to be slower than I was because it was something I could control. When someone asked me a question I instantly knew the answer to..I'd deliberately pause and pretend like I was thinking. I started doing the same thing in secondary school when someone asked how I knew something, or questioned me in that way. This meant that by the time I got to 6th form, I did it without even thinking (oh the irony!). I was asked something, I pretended to think about it, then I gave the answer....just to make myself fit in a bit better. The thing is...the people I was trying to fit in with, were often just as clever or quite often cleverer than I am. I didn't need to do it then. I certainly didn't need to do it when I got to Cambridge, but there it was...second nature to me. A ridiculous habit picked up from when I was a shy little girl who barely spoke to anyone that didn't speak to me first, because I was afraid of being laughed at.
I hate that I still do this...yes, sometimes I genuinely need to think (ok, most of the time!) but those times when I don't...when I hesitate to vocalise what I''ve thought, it's like someone has a tiny little knife and has just stabbed me in my abdomen. For a moment I'm annoyed at myself, but swiftly move on because the conversation is flowing, and someone has already said what I was thinking; It's too late. But I'm not a shy little girl anymore, I know people won't laugh at me or think differently of me for knowing the answer to something...whether it's a trivial or imprtant thing...certainly not in a bad way anyway. And those that do...well I don't particularly care for the judgements of people who think like that anyway.
So, this is to remind myself that I don't need to apologise for being me, for being bad at some things and good at others. Hiding myself shouldn't be second nature, and I want to change it.
When I was in primary school, there were 4 of us who were a bit better at some subjects than the the rest of the class, and we were quite often given some different work, mainly in maths. Being singled out like this makes you obviously different, and while I wasn't teased about this particularly, it was just something else that made me stand out. So, I started pretending to be slower than I was because it was something I could control. When someone asked me a question I instantly knew the answer to..I'd deliberately pause and pretend like I was thinking. I started doing the same thing in secondary school when someone asked how I knew something, or questioned me in that way. This meant that by the time I got to 6th form, I did it without even thinking (oh the irony!). I was asked something, I pretended to think about it, then I gave the answer....just to make myself fit in a bit better. The thing is...the people I was trying to fit in with, were often just as clever or quite often cleverer than I am. I didn't need to do it then. I certainly didn't need to do it when I got to Cambridge, but there it was...second nature to me. A ridiculous habit picked up from when I was a shy little girl who barely spoke to anyone that didn't speak to me first, because I was afraid of being laughed at.
I hate that I still do this...yes, sometimes I genuinely need to think (ok, most of the time!) but those times when I don't...when I hesitate to vocalise what I''ve thought, it's like someone has a tiny little knife and has just stabbed me in my abdomen. For a moment I'm annoyed at myself, but swiftly move on because the conversation is flowing, and someone has already said what I was thinking; It's too late. But I'm not a shy little girl anymore, I know people won't laugh at me or think differently of me for knowing the answer to something...whether it's a trivial or imprtant thing...certainly not in a bad way anyway. And those that do...well I don't particularly care for the judgements of people who think like that anyway.
So, this is to remind myself that I don't need to apologise for being me, for being bad at some things and good at others. Hiding myself shouldn't be second nature, and I want to change it.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Caught the end of the Charlotte Church Show last night...she was doing a duet with Nelly Furtado (who I seem to like!) and singing Gnarles Barkley's 'Crazy'...one of my favourite songs. It sounded awesome. Charlotte Church has an amazing voice, and combined with Nelly Furtado's, they did a great cover of the song. Was a good note to go to bed on (pun...possibly not intended).
To change topic completely...saw An Inconvenient Truth today. I really reccommend it; possibly cheesy but I didn't feel it was so. Maybe because I really agree with the issue Al Gore was promoting. What is the point of making more money and having big cars and fancy clothes....if you destroy the planet in the process, the thing that allows you to exist. In a way, the things we feel make us happy, are destroying our habitat.
Ok, preach over :) The film was actually interesting too by the way, it doesn't just preach at you!! (maybe).
To change topic completely...saw An Inconvenient Truth today. I really reccommend it; possibly cheesy but I didn't feel it was so. Maybe because I really agree with the issue Al Gore was promoting. What is the point of making more money and having big cars and fancy clothes....if you destroy the planet in the process, the thing that allows you to exist. In a way, the things we feel make us happy, are destroying our habitat.
Ok, preach over :) The film was actually interesting too by the way, it doesn't just preach at you!! (maybe).
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Well I did some painting and felt a lot better for it...strange how the mind works! Went to Bradford over the weekend and saw a few uni friends, was so good to spend time with them all - house felt very empty when I got home! Saw an old friend that I haven't seen in months the day after and chatted like no time had passed :)
And today I got my sexy new phone - I love it!! Now normally I'm not one for shallow materialism, but it's great! Got loads of cool features, especially compared to my old phone which just had a crappy camera...which you can argue is more than sufficient for a phone, but this phone is for free....and is with a better deal :D
Ok, i'll stop talking about my phone now. Oh, but first here's a link so you can all see. NOW, I will stop talking about it.
See :D
And today I got my sexy new phone - I love it!! Now normally I'm not one for shallow materialism, but it's great! Got loads of cool features, especially compared to my old phone which just had a crappy camera...which you can argue is more than sufficient for a phone, but this phone is for free....and is with a better deal :D
Ok, i'll stop talking about my phone now. Oh, but first here's a link so you can all see. NOW, I will stop talking about it.
See :D
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I want to draw but I'm uninspired.
Feeling things that I don't want to feel.
Thinking things I shouldn't.
But everyone has their problems, you just have to deal with it! Wish I could just be creative, but when I sit down with a pencil and paper nothing comes out...I'm just blank. Playing stuff like the piano helps, but only for a short while, and not at all if my mum is around (she doesn't music or noise...)
Maybe I should just force myself to draw random stuff then it will just happen? Well, it's worth a try anyway!
Traa for now kiddies, Over and Out.
Feeling things that I don't want to feel.
Thinking things I shouldn't.
But everyone has their problems, you just have to deal with it! Wish I could just be creative, but when I sit down with a pencil and paper nothing comes out...I'm just blank. Playing stuff like the piano helps, but only for a short while, and not at all if my mum is around (she doesn't music or noise...)
Maybe I should just force myself to draw random stuff then it will just happen? Well, it's worth a try anyway!
Traa for now kiddies, Over and Out.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Right, I've been moaning a lot lately, and quite frankly, I'm starting to get bored at the mere thought of someone else having to read/listen to my rants!
I woke up in such a good mood today, for no apparent reason. Just been reading through the news and there are so many fantastic and tragic things out there. So what if things aren't great at the moment? I know that it won't stay that way forever, and even the problems I have that probably aren't going away soon, aren't particularly new - why should I let them get to me now?
Jeez, they cured two men of cancer last week; Steve Irwin died (RIP); they can drill ice to find out CO2 levels from 800 000 years ago....it's an amazing thought that there are even things anywhere near that old on earth; the government is trying to get rid of our Prime Minister; that whale that got stuck in the Thames had arthritis.... and there is a man-made machine sitting on the moon right now!!
And that is a mere snapshot....there are so many things happening, my problems are almost insignificant in comparison. I suppose some people would find this depressing...but it just makes me realise that there are much more serious and fantastic things in the world than my life...which makes me want to become one of them...make a difference. Maybe I'll never be able to make a huge difference, but even a small one would do I think.
And moping about certainly isn't going to achieve that. :)
I woke up in such a good mood today, for no apparent reason. Just been reading through the news and there are so many fantastic and tragic things out there. So what if things aren't great at the moment? I know that it won't stay that way forever, and even the problems I have that probably aren't going away soon, aren't particularly new - why should I let them get to me now?
Jeez, they cured two men of cancer last week; Steve Irwin died (RIP); they can drill ice to find out CO2 levels from 800 000 years ago....it's an amazing thought that there are even things anywhere near that old on earth; the government is trying to get rid of our Prime Minister; that whale that got stuck in the Thames had arthritis.... and there is a man-made machine sitting on the moon right now!!
And that is a mere snapshot....there are so many things happening, my problems are almost insignificant in comparison. I suppose some people would find this depressing...but it just makes me realise that there are much more serious and fantastic things in the world than my life...which makes me want to become one of them...make a difference. Maybe I'll never be able to make a huge difference, but even a small one would do I think.
And moping about certainly isn't going to achieve that. :)
Monday, September 04, 2006
I can't believe Steve Irwin died! He was such an amazing person, I rememeber being awestruck when I saw him with the crocodiles on tv.
At least he went in an interesting way...seems kind of fitting really. It must be so hard for his wife and children though. A large part of the world will miss Steve Irwin, but no one as much as his family, I'm sure.
For those of you who don't know what I'm on about, or want to read a bit more about him, you can look here
At least he went in an interesting way...seems kind of fitting really. It must be so hard for his wife and children though. A large part of the world will miss Steve Irwin, but no one as much as his family, I'm sure.
For those of you who don't know what I'm on about, or want to read a bit more about him, you can look here
Monday, August 28, 2006
why I am so desperate to get away from here? I love Manchester and my family, I know people here...why would I want to leave? Then I realised...loneliness hits you even harder when you're surrounded people that have known you your whole life or for a large chunk of it....and yet you still feel alone. There's so much in me that I have to share, that I want to share, but who with? I have some fantastic friends that are always there for me, and I know that...but it isn't the same. I want that someone who wants to know me as much as I want to know them; someone I can talk with and forget the time; that is interesting and fun; that I can talk to about serious things and stupid things. I want to show someone the part of me that is more than skin deep, I want to care for someone and have it returned. I've never really known what the guys I have been close to have seen in me, but there must have been something more than looks, I hope anyway.
I'm not asking for too much am I? Just a little less loneliness. I've been given some pretty good opportunities in my life so far, I'm incredibly lucky when I think about the other 6 billion people on the planet...a huge number of whom have gone through war, famine, disease and horrors I probably couldn't even imagine. I'm not ungrateful for what I have, i'm actively thankfull infact (though I don't know who to thank - God? The 'rents probably), and I feel bad sometimes for not being happy...but there are some things that a car, nice house and msn just can't give you.
I'm sure I'll find someone at some point, soon I hope. In the meantime though, I'll just have to use the permanent hole that sometimes grips me inside for the better, use it to my advantage. Somehow.
I'm not asking for too much am I? Just a little less loneliness. I've been given some pretty good opportunities in my life so far, I'm incredibly lucky when I think about the other 6 billion people on the planet...a huge number of whom have gone through war, famine, disease and horrors I probably couldn't even imagine. I'm not ungrateful for what I have, i'm actively thankfull infact (though I don't know who to thank - God? The 'rents probably), and I feel bad sometimes for not being happy...but there are some things that a car, nice house and msn just can't give you.
I'm sure I'll find someone at some point, soon I hope. In the meantime though, I'll just have to use the permanent hole that sometimes grips me inside for the better, use it to my advantage. Somehow.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Right, I have a week off work in September - and I'm going to Ireland whether people come with me or not!! Will only be for 4 days or so probably, but If I don't do anything myself, no-one is going to magically make it happen for me!
A couple of uni friends might also be popping up north around then, so need to try and get them to tell me when they're coming up so I can look into booking things or seeing if anyone does actually want to come!
Finally, I've made plans for getting out of the country - yay!
Traa for now kiddies! x
A couple of uni friends might also be popping up north around then, so need to try and get them to tell me when they're coming up so I can look into booking things or seeing if anyone does actually want to come!
Finally, I've made plans for getting out of the country - yay!
Traa for now kiddies! x
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Portishead - Glory Box
I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For Ive been a temptress too long
Just. .
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
I just wanna be a woman
From this time, unchained
Were all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
I just wanna be a woman
So dont you stop, being a man
Just take a little look from our side when you can
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
Its all I wanna be is all woman
For this is the beginning of forever and ever
I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For Ive been a temptress too long
Just. .
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
I just wanna be a woman
From this time, unchained
Were all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
I just wanna be a woman
So dont you stop, being a man
Just take a little look from our side when you can
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
Its all I wanna be is all woman
For this is the beginning of forever and ever
Friday, August 18, 2006
God I'm tired of this crash stuff now. Everyday there's a phone call from the lawyers or the insurance people, or something to fill in or something to send them.
Somebody make it go away! I just wish someone would decide whether it was my fault or his so I can deal with it and move on.
On the plus side though, will be getting a new car in the next couple of weeks hopefully.
Somebody make it go away! I just wish someone would decide whether it was my fault or his so I can deal with it and move on.
On the plus side though, will be getting a new car in the next couple of weeks hopefully.
Ok, I in no way advocate this, but I've been reading The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, and within the 1st few pages he writes this, which I found hilarious. He's talking about how female praying mantises eat the heads of the males they copulate with...
"It might seem most sensible for her to wait until copulation is over before she starts to eat him. But the the loss of the head does not seem to throw the rest of the male's body off its sexual stride. Indeed, since the insect head is the seat of some inhibitory nerve centres, it is possible that the female improves the male's sexual performance by eating his head. If so, this is an added benefit. The primary one is that she obtains a good meal."
Hee hee!
"It might seem most sensible for her to wait until copulation is over before she starts to eat him. But the the loss of the head does not seem to throw the rest of the male's body off its sexual stride. Indeed, since the insect head is the seat of some inhibitory nerve centres, it is possible that the female improves the male's sexual performance by eating his head. If so, this is an added benefit. The primary one is that she obtains a good meal."
Hee hee!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Got a part-time job at M&S today...interview just consisted of a role play with a pretend customer, was well easy! Anyway, it should tide my over and keep me vaguely occupied while i look for full time work in a job I actually want! Wish the civil service applications opened earlier, or even more than once a year, but that's just the way life goes i guess!
Travelling seems very out of the picture right now, unless one of my friends suddenly comes into some money! I guess the world will just have to wait for me to visit them for a little longer than i'd hoped....
Travelling seems very out of the picture right now, unless one of my friends suddenly comes into some money! I guess the world will just have to wait for me to visit them for a little longer than i'd hoped....
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I've been feeling pretty down today...about lots of different things that I can't be bothered typing up. It helps sometimes, but it just isn't the same as talking.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I made a playlist on my computer of all the songs I have that remind me of uni...of the people there, of something I shared with someone or lots of people. Something to make me smile when I'm missing everyone. Had this playlist on when this song came into my head....I don't know why but it really made me feel better for a little while. I think it's the innocence in it, how descriptive it is of real situations. Anyway, here it is:
The Streets - Could well be in
Cuz her last relationship fucked her up.
Got hurt majorly, finds it tough to trust.
Looked at the ashtray, then looked back up,
Spinnin it away on the tabletop.
She looked much fitter than saturday just.
She worked in JD's with dan.
Back then I figured she was pretty damn rough,
But she was only wearin her work stuff.
And in these clothes she looked more than buff,
She stirred her straw, sat up to adjust.
I told her I thought it was important,
That you could get lost in conversation.
Chattin shit, sittin in, oblivion
With that person who's your special one.
She said she was the worst pool player under the sun,
But blokes go easy so she always won.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
She didn't look too bored with what I was sayin.
Her hair looked much better than the other day.
She had her fingers 'round her hair, playin'.
I Saw on the telly that's a good indication.
Stood up to buy the next drink though, "Nay."
Suppose that's just our girl's way.
Im tryin to think what else I could say,
Peelin' the label off, spinnin the ashtray.
Yeah actually, yes, she did look pretty neat.
Her perfume smelled expensive and sweet.
I felt like my hair looked a bit cheap,
Wished I'd had it cut back last week.
She kept givin me this look, cuz she would speak.
Was she only friendly, or was she a keep?
Asked her if she wanted the same again to drink.
Started to turn and get up out my seat.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
She said that her close mates all were
Always the most important thing to her.
I said I thought it was a bit more blurred.
She asked what I meant by that as she stirred.
I told her about the money and what had occurred
With it goin missing from the living room, so.
With my best mates all there standin by,
Right where I left it, under their eyes.
So surely one of them might have spied
What happened to my money at that time.
I felt like they were all smilin on the side.
She was like "fair play" she couldn't say why.
She didn't know what all my mates were like.
And I said she just might be right.
Wish I had someone I could always rely,
Someone to get lost chattin to all night.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
As I walked back with more drinks to our place,
She had her phone stuck to the side of her face.
I sat for a minute while she chatted away
'bout somethin with her mom and her birthday.
Played for a bit with the same ashtray,
Thought about things while i sat and waited.
It was nice to chat about the shit in my head,
Someone who just listens to you instead.
I looked at the barman, wiping down again,
Looked at the football on the tv set,
Tryin to look like i weren't just waitin there
For her conversation to come to an end.
I look at my watch and realized right then
That, for three hours, been in conversation.
Before she put her phone down, she switched to silent,
And we carried on chattin for more than that again.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because I made a playlist on my computer of all the songs I have that remind me of uni...of the people there, of something I shared with someone or lots of people. Something to make me smile when I'm missing everyone. Had this playlist on when this song came into my head....I don't know why but it really made me feel better for a little while. I think it's the innocence in it, how descriptive it is of real situations. Anyway, here it is:
The Streets - Could well be in
Cuz her last relationship fucked her up.
Got hurt majorly, finds it tough to trust.
Looked at the ashtray, then looked back up,
Spinnin it away on the tabletop.
She looked much fitter than saturday just.
She worked in JD's with dan.
Back then I figured she was pretty damn rough,
But she was only wearin her work stuff.
And in these clothes she looked more than buff,
She stirred her straw, sat up to adjust.
I told her I thought it was important,
That you could get lost in conversation.
Chattin shit, sittin in, oblivion
With that person who's your special one.
She said she was the worst pool player under the sun,
But blokes go easy so she always won.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
She didn't look too bored with what I was sayin.
Her hair looked much better than the other day.
She had her fingers 'round her hair, playin'.
I Saw on the telly that's a good indication.
Stood up to buy the next drink though, "Nay."
Suppose that's just our girl's way.
Im tryin to think what else I could say,
Peelin' the label off, spinnin the ashtray.
Yeah actually, yes, she did look pretty neat.
Her perfume smelled expensive and sweet.
I felt like my hair looked a bit cheap,
Wished I'd had it cut back last week.
She kept givin me this look, cuz she would speak.
Was she only friendly, or was she a keep?
Asked her if she wanted the same again to drink.
Started to turn and get up out my seat.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
She said that her close mates all were
Always the most important thing to her.
I said I thought it was a bit more blurred.
She asked what I meant by that as she stirred.
I told her about the money and what had occurred
With it goin missing from the living room, so.
With my best mates all there standin by,
Right where I left it, under their eyes.
So surely one of them might have spied
What happened to my money at that time.
I felt like they were all smilin on the side.
She was like "fair play" she couldn't say why.
She didn't know what all my mates were like.
And I said she just might be right.
Wish I had someone I could always rely,
Someone to get lost chattin to all night.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
As I walked back with more drinks to our place,
She had her phone stuck to the side of her face.
I sat for a minute while she chatted away
'bout somethin with her mom and her birthday.
Played for a bit with the same ashtray,
Thought about things while i sat and waited.
It was nice to chat about the shit in my head,
Someone who just listens to you instead.
I looked at the barman, wiping down again,
Looked at the football on the tv set,
Tryin to look like i weren't just waitin there
For her conversation to come to an end.
I look at my watch and realized right then
That, for three hours, been in conversation.
Before she put her phone down, she switched to silent,
And we carried on chattin for more than that again.
I saw this thing on ITV the other week,
Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen
She's playin with her hair, well regularly,
So i reckon i could well be in.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I'm tired of waiting for my life to start...but wide awake at this moment of time. Just can't sleep, keep thinking about earlier.
Ps. Also been thinking lately...people say things to me all the time, nice and kind things, but for some reason I only really start to believe people when they act on what they say...when the behaviour matches the words. It's through experience I guess but I don't want to become cynical.
Just wanted to note that for myself. I'm not a naturally cynical person and I don't want to be...need to make a conscious effort to be otherwise. Somehow....
Ps. Also been thinking lately...people say things to me all the time, nice and kind things, but for some reason I only really start to believe people when they act on what they say...when the behaviour matches the words. It's through experience I guess but I don't want to become cynical.
Just wanted to note that for myself. I'm not a naturally cynical person and I don't want to be...need to make a conscious effort to be otherwise. Somehow....
Saturday, August 05, 2006
I'm spinning around...
So, Ally turned 22 the other day, so we all thought we'd go on a lovely day trip to the relatively near Blue Planet Aquarium. All was going well, I'd picked up Ben from his place, Ally and Seth from near town and we were driving towards the airport to get on the M56. There I was, happily driving along...I stopped at the lights to turn right, it turned green and the road was free....I turned right, then Ally and Seth screamed in the back as simeltaneously a guy drives straight into my back left wheel!! Obviously, I brake, but the car is spun round, and we're now facing the wrong way and diagonally accross the road I had just turned into.
As you can imagine, it was pretty scary! Ally and Seth have seatbelt burns - thank god they were wearing them. The other idiot drivers didn't help at all and proceeded to try and drive past me while I was stuck in the middle of the road! After a few minutes of checking everyone was ok and manouvering my way out of the traffic to a safe place at the side of the road, I got out to discover that the back-left wheel was bent of it's axis and there was a massive dent in the car.
Did the done thing of exchanging details with the other driver who was pretty laid back about the whole thing....mainly cos he thought it was my fault! I didn't get into anything with him though because at that point I was still pretty shocked and wasn't 100%, but had a feeling that it probably was his fault. Some IDIOT woman then walks up and says she was behind him and also thinks it was my fault...HE HIT THE BACK WHEEL! I was practically in the road I was turning into! He said his light was on green, but then so was mine and it was clear when I pulled out!
Anyway, it's for the insurers to sort out now. A little shaken and feel so bad for everyone else in the car - I'll be surprised if they ever get in a car with me again! Main thing is that no one was badly hurt...
So, Ally turned 22 the other day, so we all thought we'd go on a lovely day trip to the relatively near Blue Planet Aquarium. All was going well, I'd picked up Ben from his place, Ally and Seth from near town and we were driving towards the airport to get on the M56. There I was, happily driving along...I stopped at the lights to turn right, it turned green and the road was free....I turned right, then Ally and Seth screamed in the back as simeltaneously a guy drives straight into my back left wheel!! Obviously, I brake, but the car is spun round, and we're now facing the wrong way and diagonally accross the road I had just turned into.
As you can imagine, it was pretty scary! Ally and Seth have seatbelt burns - thank god they were wearing them. The other idiot drivers didn't help at all and proceeded to try and drive past me while I was stuck in the middle of the road! After a few minutes of checking everyone was ok and manouvering my way out of the traffic to a safe place at the side of the road, I got out to discover that the back-left wheel was bent of it's axis and there was a massive dent in the car.
Did the done thing of exchanging details with the other driver who was pretty laid back about the whole thing....mainly cos he thought it was my fault! I didn't get into anything with him though because at that point I was still pretty shocked and wasn't 100%, but had a feeling that it probably was his fault. Some IDIOT woman then walks up and says she was behind him and also thinks it was my fault...HE HIT THE BACK WHEEL! I was practically in the road I was turning into! He said his light was on green, but then so was mine and it was clear when I pulled out!
Anyway, it's for the insurers to sort out now. A little shaken and feel so bad for everyone else in the car - I'll be surprised if they ever get in a car with me again! Main thing is that no one was badly hurt...
Friday, August 04, 2006
argh! Just weighed myself and I'm putting weight back on! Time to kick the weight loss plan back into action. Also just cut my ankle and it won't stop bleeding! That would be truly unfortunate for someone to die of bleeding from their ankle (i'm not sugesting this will happen to me...just saying!)
Still waiting to hear on jobs. Still trying to find someone to go travelling with me.
I hate all this waiting about! I need to get pro-active about something useful - ANYTHING!
But will have to be from tomorrow...off to dinner at Lizzy's house now.
Traa all! xx
Still waiting to hear on jobs. Still trying to find someone to go travelling with me.
I hate all this waiting about! I need to get pro-active about something useful - ANYTHING!
But will have to be from tomorrow...off to dinner at Lizzy's house now.
Traa all! xx
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Went down to London yesterday to look at the foreign and commonwealth office careers open day. It actually looked really interesting - everyone I spoke to seem to be happy where they were, and the one person who wasn't completely happy in the job they were currently doing, they didn't want to leave the FCO. Main appeal is that you get to help people out and travel! I'm going to apply when the faststream open in september...then we'll have to wait and see!!
On the journey back up here, I was chatting to the guy opposite (well, he was chatting to me more, but it amounts to the same thing!) He was about 40 and had had so many different jobs...he'd been in the navy, been a paramedic, done a business studies degree, been a PA and was now a professional diver- what an awesome job! But what struck me most was how content he seemed. He had a partner, a daughter, was doing something he enjoyed for a living...and while he wasn't loaded, he gave the impression he had enough to be pretty comfortable with. He really opened up to me as well, which was heartwarming (apparently he told me some stuff about his paarmedic job that he hadn't really talked about much before, I'm starting to think I must just have a 'tell me your life story and problems face'!).
This guy really made me think. In 20 years time, I want to have travelled, done the things in my life that I really want to do...I want to give off that air of contentment that this man had.
Funny thing is, I never even found out his name :)
On the journey back up here, I was chatting to the guy opposite (well, he was chatting to me more, but it amounts to the same thing!) He was about 40 and had had so many different jobs...he'd been in the navy, been a paramedic, done a business studies degree, been a PA and was now a professional diver- what an awesome job! But what struck me most was how content he seemed. He had a partner, a daughter, was doing something he enjoyed for a living...and while he wasn't loaded, he gave the impression he had enough to be pretty comfortable with. He really opened up to me as well, which was heartwarming (apparently he told me some stuff about his paarmedic job that he hadn't really talked about much before, I'm starting to think I must just have a 'tell me your life story and problems face'!).
This guy really made me think. In 20 years time, I want to have travelled, done the things in my life that I really want to do...I want to give off that air of contentment that this man had.
Funny thing is, I never even found out his name :)
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Ok, I have been set up on a blind date...with a pilot no less! Just emailed so far, lets see if he actually wants to meet me - I'm kind of neutral to the whole thing personally, seeing as all I know about him is that his family may be scarily traditional (indian), he's 23 and a pilot!
I seem to be incredibly busy despite not having a job, I've turned into an unmarried housewife! Looking after family and the house...I don't mind it for a little while though cos it's good to see them. My massage 'skills' are also being put into use on my aunty and her strange aches and pains!
I'll leave it there for now I think. Saw superman on Imax yesterday - I recommend it! 3D wasn't that spectacular but it was awesome on imax generally.
I seem to be incredibly busy despite not having a job, I've turned into an unmarried housewife! Looking after family and the house...I don't mind it for a little while though cos it's good to see them. My massage 'skills' are also being put into use on my aunty and her strange aches and pains!
I'll leave it there for now I think. Saw superman on Imax yesterday - I recommend it! 3D wasn't that spectacular but it was awesome on imax generally.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Ok, this is weird. I've recently had 2 gradutaion dreams....both involving me either missing it or it going wrong.
The thing is though, I've already graduated.
What is my problem? I'm worried about jobs I guess; haven't found any part-time work yet (think I just need to be less picky and maybe look more, would help if people returned calls and replied to emails though!), in the process of applying for full time jobs, but so far they've all been in London and my parents want me to stay in Manchester. It would save a lot of money I guess, but I just haven't seen any jobs here that appeal or that I can make a career out of.
Also want to go travelling, but there is very little prospect of that so far, unless I go alone which I don't want to do again. The more I think about it, the more I want to go to South America...if it doesn't happen with my uni friends, I doubt it will happen with my home friends...though maybe I can go somewhere else with them.
All I can do is wait really.
The thing is though, I've already graduated.
What is my problem? I'm worried about jobs I guess; haven't found any part-time work yet (think I just need to be less picky and maybe look more, would help if people returned calls and replied to emails though!), in the process of applying for full time jobs, but so far they've all been in London and my parents want me to stay in Manchester. It would save a lot of money I guess, but I just haven't seen any jobs here that appeal or that I can make a career out of.
Also want to go travelling, but there is very little prospect of that so far, unless I go alone which I don't want to do again. The more I think about it, the more I want to go to South America...if it doesn't happen with my uni friends, I doubt it will happen with my home friends...though maybe I can go somewhere else with them.
All I can do is wait really.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
At home now, have graduated and I'm sitting on the edge of the rest of my life. Problem is, I feel restless. I want to get a decent job, but at the same time I want to be a free spirit! and they rarely have settled, decently paid jobs! But while for a day or so I was thinking of doing whatever takes my fancy as the time comes, on thinking it through more....a proper job fits in better with my long term goals....I can be a free spirit in my spare time! Though I need to make sure I do make time for the things I really enjoy. During part of my uni life, I really forgot myself, and not in a good way. I didn't have fun in the way I always do, spent too much time thinking and not enough doing - something which I do too much.
Anyhoo, recognising the problem is a big step right :D Unrelated, but been looking through some of my old artwork from GCSE/A level...some of it really is SHITE! Think I might re-do some of them to my (seemingly) improved standards!
Apart from that, life as usual at home. Grandparents are here which is cool, though slightly restricting (i can deal with that for a little while though cos it's nice to see them). A million errands to run, but it keeps me busy which is good. Job hunting and looking at travel stuff - I WANT TO GET AWAY!! i miss seeing new places, challenging myself to cope with exciting new situations! Possibly going to South America with some friends from uni, would be awesome if that works out!
That's all for now folks. Over and out.
Anyhoo, recognising the problem is a big step right :D Unrelated, but been looking through some of my old artwork from GCSE/A level...some of it really is SHITE! Think I might re-do some of them to my (seemingly) improved standards!
Apart from that, life as usual at home. Grandparents are here which is cool, though slightly restricting (i can deal with that for a little while though cos it's nice to see them). A million errands to run, but it keeps me busy which is good. Job hunting and looking at travel stuff - I WANT TO GET AWAY!! i miss seeing new places, challenging myself to cope with exciting new situations! Possibly going to South America with some friends from uni, would be awesome if that works out!
That's all for now folks. Over and out.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Well it's been a while, and lots and lots of things have happened, but in summary:
Good news: I got a 2:1 (yay!)
Bad news: I didn't get my Mphil :( But I found that out a while ago so I'm used to that idea now, though it was quite gutting at first.
Main bad thing is that for some reason I feel like my self-esteem has taken a few knocks lately. I feel like I'm hypersensitive, the smallest comments are affecting me. Someone asked me how I was feeling the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was alone (clearly didn't say this outloud though!). I don't like myself like this, and I'm going to change it...I have plenty of people here for me, but I feel like there's something missing, someone. I miss hanging out with a person that catches your eye accross the room when a joke is made, that notices that you're not there when you leave. Obviously I have friends, good friends, and it's not like this never happens...but I guess the people I used to have this with also have other people that they do this with now ie boyfriends/girlfriends.
Jeez, I'm just whining. There is so much good stuff in my life and I'm a lot luckier than the majority of people - I don't really have much to complain about.
I just want that intimate connection with someone. I just need to make sure I look for it with someone that wants it with me too.
Good news: I got a 2:1 (yay!)
Bad news: I didn't get my Mphil :( But I found that out a while ago so I'm used to that idea now, though it was quite gutting at first.
Main bad thing is that for some reason I feel like my self-esteem has taken a few knocks lately. I feel like I'm hypersensitive, the smallest comments are affecting me. Someone asked me how I was feeling the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was alone (clearly didn't say this outloud though!). I don't like myself like this, and I'm going to change it...I have plenty of people here for me, but I feel like there's something missing, someone. I miss hanging out with a person that catches your eye accross the room when a joke is made, that notices that you're not there when you leave. Obviously I have friends, good friends, and it's not like this never happens...but I guess the people I used to have this with also have other people that they do this with now ie boyfriends/girlfriends.
Jeez, I'm just whining. There is so much good stuff in my life and I'm a lot luckier than the majority of people - I don't really have much to complain about.
I just want that intimate connection with someone. I just need to make sure I look for it with someone that wants it with me too.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Well, been busy revising/dissertating lately, which so far is going ok! Inbewtween all that though, I got thinking...
Lots of people I know seemed to have idols when they were growing up. People they aspired to be like, people who inspired them to do better, to improve at the things they wanted to do. Most people I know also had some sort of infatuation with a famous person, be it Leonardo di Caprio or the Backstreet boys or a football team.
I never did that. I don't know why, but I was never completely and utterly in awe of a person, so much that I wanted to know everything about them, mimic their drive to better myself. Obviously there were famous people I liked, but never to the same extent as my other friends it seems. Thinking about it, maybe I did take inspiration from famous people, just not only one...I used to (still do sometimes) study famous people's paintings, copy them and try and see how they did it. While I suppose this is what I described, and obviously there were some that I liked more than others, I never had one that I fixated on completely, not for any length of time anyway.
There are good and bad things about this I suppose: The good side is that despite this, I did push myself in some areas. The bad side? I could have done more. If I had someone specific to follow, see whay they had done, would I have worked harder? I don't know. Like a lot of people, I admire my parents and how hard they work, especially my dad who came to this country like any other doctor that does and has done so well for himself. Though I suppose he would have done no matter where he was. Watching them when I was growing up did make me work harder, but still, as much as I love and respect my parents, I just don't think I'd use the word 'idolise'.
In fact, I probably don't really like the word. The reason I never really had an idol was because I could see and was aware that nobody is perfect. When my friends were obsessing over these people, it seemed like they couldn't see the things they'd done wrong. I suppose I figured that if you follow one person completely, not only would you end up with their success (if you're talented enough I assume!), but also their failures. It's not a given obviously, but I suppose one is just as likely as the other. I think I just prefer to make my own mistakes and follow my own pattern of things. Obviously its useful to have a formula or a pattern to follow, because that's how many people in the world work, but....I'm stubbornly independent at times. Foolish maybe, I know :)
Saying all this though, as I've got older, I have started to admire people more and more. I suppose I'm realising how hard it can be sometimes, how hard you have to work to really stand out from all the other hardworking people around you. I admire people like Albert Einstein for example, for his ideas and intelligence, along with many other people.
Still no idolisation, but one step closer...?
Lots of people I know seemed to have idols when they were growing up. People they aspired to be like, people who inspired them to do better, to improve at the things they wanted to do. Most people I know also had some sort of infatuation with a famous person, be it Leonardo di Caprio or the Backstreet boys or a football team.
I never did that. I don't know why, but I was never completely and utterly in awe of a person, so much that I wanted to know everything about them, mimic their drive to better myself. Obviously there were famous people I liked, but never to the same extent as my other friends it seems. Thinking about it, maybe I did take inspiration from famous people, just not only one...I used to (still do sometimes) study famous people's paintings, copy them and try and see how they did it. While I suppose this is what I described, and obviously there were some that I liked more than others, I never had one that I fixated on completely, not for any length of time anyway.
There are good and bad things about this I suppose: The good side is that despite this, I did push myself in some areas. The bad side? I could have done more. If I had someone specific to follow, see whay they had done, would I have worked harder? I don't know. Like a lot of people, I admire my parents and how hard they work, especially my dad who came to this country like any other doctor that does and has done so well for himself. Though I suppose he would have done no matter where he was. Watching them when I was growing up did make me work harder, but still, as much as I love and respect my parents, I just don't think I'd use the word 'idolise'.
In fact, I probably don't really like the word. The reason I never really had an idol was because I could see and was aware that nobody is perfect. When my friends were obsessing over these people, it seemed like they couldn't see the things they'd done wrong. I suppose I figured that if you follow one person completely, not only would you end up with their success (if you're talented enough I assume!), but also their failures. It's not a given obviously, but I suppose one is just as likely as the other. I think I just prefer to make my own mistakes and follow my own pattern of things. Obviously its useful to have a formula or a pattern to follow, because that's how many people in the world work, but....I'm stubbornly independent at times. Foolish maybe, I know :)
Saying all this though, as I've got older, I have started to admire people more and more. I suppose I'm realising how hard it can be sometimes, how hard you have to work to really stand out from all the other hardworking people around you. I admire people like Albert Einstein for example, for his ideas and intelligence, along with many other people.
Still no idolisation, but one step closer...?
Monday, April 24, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
ok, BORED of talking and thinking about feelings now, instead I wanna talk about my trip to JAPAN!
It was an awesome trip. Spent the first couple of days in Tokyo, which is a huge, modern city, but increadibly clean, neat and organised. Saw a few sights there then took a tour to Hakone and Mt Fuji. It really was a a stunning view and they drove us up to the 5th station, half way up the mountain, as I said it was beautiful. From there we went to Kyoto and spent about 4 days there. Kyoto is a fantatic city, modern but incredibly cultural and ancient at the same time. There are about 200 temples and shrines alone! Obviously there's only so many temples you can look at though! Saw some of the most impressive, walked around a bit, shopped a bit, saw and did a few other things (including where the Shogun used to live a couple of hundred years ago, and how they detcted assassins and how his harem were trained in martial arts to protect him).
It was the cherry blossom season too making it all extra pretty. The people were so friendly, which really helped when you could hardly understand anything written down around you! Though there was a surprising amount of English on the trains and public transport systems, even though it seemed very few people actually spoke it.
It's also a very safe place, having a really low crime rate, so you don't feel to weary about flashing you camera about which is always good. Actually, speaking of technology - there is SO much cool stuff there! Bullet trains, self-flushing loos, loos with heated toilet seats, self-rotating train seats so they all face the direction the train is going, the cameras, phones. Oh, there are also vending machines EVERYWHERE. Especially in Tokyo, temple, shrine, random street...and it's almost all drinks. Rarely do you see chocolate or food machines. Ah, food. We had a few problems as my mum is veggie and everything there haas meat or fish in, but when we did get some real japanese food, it was actually really nice. Often there was quite a lot of small dishes, but it was rarely too much.
All in all, it was a great holiday :) Quite tired now, but it's to be expected! Will try and put a few photos on here when I get the chance. Back to uni on tuesday...life goes on....
ps. The photos on my page have all been lost because STOOPID WALAGATA closed their free accounts and neglected to imform me, so I wasn't able to transfer them. Hopefully I still have them on a computer somewhere, otherwise I guess it's time for a change of background!
xx
It was an awesome trip. Spent the first couple of days in Tokyo, which is a huge, modern city, but increadibly clean, neat and organised. Saw a few sights there then took a tour to Hakone and Mt Fuji. It really was a a stunning view and they drove us up to the 5th station, half way up the mountain, as I said it was beautiful. From there we went to Kyoto and spent about 4 days there. Kyoto is a fantatic city, modern but incredibly cultural and ancient at the same time. There are about 200 temples and shrines alone! Obviously there's only so many temples you can look at though! Saw some of the most impressive, walked around a bit, shopped a bit, saw and did a few other things (including where the Shogun used to live a couple of hundred years ago, and how they detcted assassins and how his harem were trained in martial arts to protect him).
It was the cherry blossom season too making it all extra pretty. The people were so friendly, which really helped when you could hardly understand anything written down around you! Though there was a surprising amount of English on the trains and public transport systems, even though it seemed very few people actually spoke it.
It's also a very safe place, having a really low crime rate, so you don't feel to weary about flashing you camera about which is always good. Actually, speaking of technology - there is SO much cool stuff there! Bullet trains, self-flushing loos, loos with heated toilet seats, self-rotating train seats so they all face the direction the train is going, the cameras, phones. Oh, there are also vending machines EVERYWHERE. Especially in Tokyo, temple, shrine, random street...and it's almost all drinks. Rarely do you see chocolate or food machines. Ah, food. We had a few problems as my mum is veggie and everything there haas meat or fish in, but when we did get some real japanese food, it was actually really nice. Often there was quite a lot of small dishes, but it was rarely too much.
All in all, it was a great holiday :) Quite tired now, but it's to be expected! Will try and put a few photos on here when I get the chance. Back to uni on tuesday...life goes on....
ps. The photos on my page have all been lost because STOOPID WALAGATA closed their free accounts and neglected to imform me, so I wasn't able to transfer them. Hopefully I still have them on a computer somewhere, otherwise I guess it's time for a change of background!
xx
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Gotta love rubbishy quizzes that make you feel good about yourself! :)
| Your Birthdate: April 22 |
 You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
"I'll remove one by one the bars of my prison, and make a ladder of it to be as close as possible to the sun"
I just remembered that quote - I think it was by an artist called Monory or something like that. I read it in 6th form. Don't know why I suddenly remembered it, but it's always filled me with a feeling of hope whenever I have remembered it :)
I just remembered that quote - I think it was by an artist called Monory or something like that. I read it in 6th form. Don't know why I suddenly remembered it, but it's always filled me with a feeling of hope whenever I have remembered it :)
Monday, February 27, 2006
Closer
I saw you from afar
Heart fell into my stomach
As I flew along the ground
Closer and closer to you
With a smile on your face
You slid towards me too
Your heart and stomach in place
Closer and closer we became
From the corner of their world
People watched with curious eyes
The meeting of two souls
That could not help but connect
But when our skin met
You felt something else
Inner mind focused on another
While our bond melded deeper in
Connected to you, I pulled away
Stretching at bonds so quickly made
But you resisted, I decided to stay
Alone here, while you dream of others.
No regrets right? That's what I decided a long time ago. I did what I had to do and while it's not perfect, it's still ok.
I'll be ok, I've been through worse and I'm stronger for it.
I saw you from afar
Heart fell into my stomach
As I flew along the ground
Closer and closer to you
With a smile on your face
You slid towards me too
Your heart and stomach in place
Closer and closer we became
From the corner of their world
People watched with curious eyes
The meeting of two souls
That could not help but connect
But when our skin met
You felt something else
Inner mind focused on another
While our bond melded deeper in
Connected to you, I pulled away
Stretching at bonds so quickly made
But you resisted, I decided to stay
Alone here, while you dream of others.
No regrets right? That's what I decided a long time ago. I did what I had to do and while it's not perfect, it's still ok.
I'll be ok, I've been through worse and I'm stronger for it.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wrote this the other day. Just realised that I haven't actually mentioned on here that I'm the lead singer in a band - yay! Wrote this as an attempt at some song lyrics....so then I can call myself a singer/songwriter! :)
A Way Through
Fresh air blows through her hair
In the centre of a whirlwind of time
The gods have been playing their game
Brushing his words past her ear
Storing his secrets behind those eyes
So many times she’s tried to find
A way through the words
A door through the time
His travels have been dark
But he’s kept his spirit safely away
The gods have been playing their game
Taunting his senses with her tears
Storing his secrets behind those eyes
So many times he’s tried to find
A way through the words
A door through the time
Fingers entwine as secrets escape
Their tender minds released at last
The gods have been playing their game
Creating a way through the words
A Way Through
Fresh air blows through her hair
In the centre of a whirlwind of time
The gods have been playing their game
Brushing his words past her ear
Storing his secrets behind those eyes
So many times she’s tried to find
A way through the words
A door through the time
His travels have been dark
But he’s kept his spirit safely away
The gods have been playing their game
Taunting his senses with her tears
Storing his secrets behind those eyes
So many times he’s tried to find
A way through the words
A door through the time
Fingers entwine as secrets escape
Their tender minds released at last
The gods have been playing their game
Creating a way through the words
Sometimes I wish I could be free from feelings and other people - just live in my own little world and be happy there alone, going where I want to go, doing what I want to do and saying what I want to say.
But I don't, I can't. My life is too tied up with other people lives. There are people whom I'm attached to and people who are attached to me. This is all fine until the attachements to each other don't meet up. Broken connections in the web.
*sigh*
But I don't, I can't. My life is too tied up with other people lives. There are people whom I'm attached to and people who are attached to me. This is all fine until the attachements to each other don't meet up. Broken connections in the web.
*sigh*
Thursday, February 02, 2006
This is a beautiful song...
The Magic Numbers - I See You, You See Me.
I never wanted to love you, but that's okay
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, you see me
I asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
They always said that you'd hurt me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me
And it's alright
I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright
I look to you as my only friend
It's alright
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
And darling when I see you I see me
I often thought that you'd be better off left alone
Well throw a circle round and ... with broken bones
But darling when I see you, I see me
It's alright
I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright
I look to you as my only friend
It's alright
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
You always looked like you had something else on your mind
When I try to tell you, you tell me "nevermind"
But darling when I see you, you see me
I wanna tell you that I never loved anyone else
You wanna tell me that you're better off by yourself
But darling when I see you, you see me
Oooh, oo-oo-oooh...
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think I'm falling for you
I never thought
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
I never thought
This is not what I'm like, I think I'm falling for you
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
And it looks like I feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
The Magic Numbers - I See You, You See Me.
I never wanted to love you, but that's okay
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, you see me
I asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
They always said that you'd hurt me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me
And it's alright
I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright
I look to you as my only friend
It's alright
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
And darling when I see you I see me
I often thought that you'd be better off left alone
Well throw a circle round and ... with broken bones
But darling when I see you, I see me
It's alright
I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright
I look to you as my only friend
It's alright
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
You always looked like you had something else on your mind
When I try to tell you, you tell me "nevermind"
But darling when I see you, you see me
I wanna tell you that I never loved anyone else
You wanna tell me that you're better off by yourself
But darling when I see you, you see me
Oooh, oo-oo-oooh...
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think I'm falling for you
I never thought
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
I never thought
This is not what I'm like, I think I'm falling for you
I never thought that I could feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
And it looks like I feel there's something
Rising, rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Well the headcold I had was apparently sinusitis according to my dad - he said it wouldn't go away for a while though. It has gone, and I feel much better...but I still don't feel quite myself. I'm not ill, but I am getting lightheaded every now and again..I feel a removed from all of this sometimes, especially when my head is like that. It's a bit unsettling, wish it would go away.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Just came back from India a few days ago...had a great time, was so good to see my family, especially my grandparents. Spent a lot of the time rushing around trying to visit various members of the family, but went to a couple of new places (Patiala and Chandigarh), both of which were lovely places - especially Chandigarh. The only downside was that it was freezing! But i'm used to the cold so I guess it wasn't that bad!
Ok, that's it for now, may write more later if I feel like it - feeling a bit crap right now, have got some kind of head cold! Off to uni again on the weekend, it's so like leading a double life, it's bizarre.
traa x
Ok, that's it for now, may write more later if I feel like it - feeling a bit crap right now, have got some kind of head cold! Off to uni again on the weekend, it's so like leading a double life, it's bizarre.
traa x
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