Been thinking lately....

why I am so desperate to get away from here? I love Manchester and my family, I know people here...why would I want to leave? Then I realised...loneliness hits you even harder when you're surrounded people that have known you your whole life or for a large chunk of it....and yet you still feel alone. There's so much in me that I have to share, that I want to share, but who with? I have some fantastic friends that are always there for me, and I know that...but it isn't the same. I want that someone who wants to know me as much as I want to know them; someone I can talk with and forget the time; that is interesting and fun; that I can talk to about serious things and stupid things. I want to show someone the part of me that is more than skin deep, I want to care for someone and have it returned. I've never really known what the guys I have been close to have seen in me, but there must have been something more than looks, I hope anyway.

I'm not asking for too much am I? Just a little less loneliness. I've been given some pretty good opportunities in my life so far, I'm incredibly lucky when I think about the other 6 billion people on the planet...a huge number of whom have gone through war, famine, disease and horrors I probably couldn't even imagine. I'm not ungrateful for what I have, i'm actively thankfull infact (though I don't know who to thank - God? The 'rents probably), and I feel bad sometimes for not being happy...but there are some things that a car, nice house and msn just can't give you.

I'm sure I'll find someone at some point, soon I hope. In the meantime though, I'll just have to use the permanent hole that sometimes grips me inside for the better, use it to my advantage. Somehow.