Well it's been a while, and lots and lots of things have happened, but in summary:
Good news: I got a 2:1 (yay!)
Bad news: I didn't get my Mphil :( But I found that out a while ago so I'm used to that idea now, though it was quite gutting at first.
Main bad thing is that for some reason I feel like my self-esteem has taken a few knocks lately. I feel like I'm hypersensitive, the smallest comments are affecting me. Someone asked me how I was feeling the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was alone (clearly didn't say this outloud though!). I don't like myself like this, and I'm going to change it...I have plenty of people here for me, but I feel like there's something missing, someone. I miss hanging out with a person that catches your eye accross the room when a joke is made, that notices that you're not there when you leave. Obviously I have friends, good friends, and it's not like this never happens...but I guess the people I used to have this with also have other people that they do this with now ie boyfriends/girlfriends.
Jeez, I'm just whining. There is so much good stuff in my life and I'm a lot luckier than the majority of people - I don't really have much to complain about.
I just want that intimate connection with someone. I just need to make sure I look for it with someone that wants it with me too.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Well, been busy revising/dissertating lately, which so far is going ok! Inbewtween all that though, I got thinking...
Lots of people I know seemed to have idols when they were growing up. People they aspired to be like, people who inspired them to do better, to improve at the things they wanted to do. Most people I know also had some sort of infatuation with a famous person, be it Leonardo di Caprio or the Backstreet boys or a football team.
I never did that. I don't know why, but I was never completely and utterly in awe of a person, so much that I wanted to know everything about them, mimic their drive to better myself. Obviously there were famous people I liked, but never to the same extent as my other friends it seems. Thinking about it, maybe I did take inspiration from famous people, just not only one...I used to (still do sometimes) study famous people's paintings, copy them and try and see how they did it. While I suppose this is what I described, and obviously there were some that I liked more than others, I never had one that I fixated on completely, not for any length of time anyway.
There are good and bad things about this I suppose: The good side is that despite this, I did push myself in some areas. The bad side? I could have done more. If I had someone specific to follow, see whay they had done, would I have worked harder? I don't know. Like a lot of people, I admire my parents and how hard they work, especially my dad who came to this country like any other doctor that does and has done so well for himself. Though I suppose he would have done no matter where he was. Watching them when I was growing up did make me work harder, but still, as much as I love and respect my parents, I just don't think I'd use the word 'idolise'.
In fact, I probably don't really like the word. The reason I never really had an idol was because I could see and was aware that nobody is perfect. When my friends were obsessing over these people, it seemed like they couldn't see the things they'd done wrong. I suppose I figured that if you follow one person completely, not only would you end up with their success (if you're talented enough I assume!), but also their failures. It's not a given obviously, but I suppose one is just as likely as the other. I think I just prefer to make my own mistakes and follow my own pattern of things. Obviously its useful to have a formula or a pattern to follow, because that's how many people in the world work, but....I'm stubbornly independent at times. Foolish maybe, I know :)
Saying all this though, as I've got older, I have started to admire people more and more. I suppose I'm realising how hard it can be sometimes, how hard you have to work to really stand out from all the other hardworking people around you. I admire people like Albert Einstein for example, for his ideas and intelligence, along with many other people.
Still no idolisation, but one step closer...?
Lots of people I know seemed to have idols when they were growing up. People they aspired to be like, people who inspired them to do better, to improve at the things they wanted to do. Most people I know also had some sort of infatuation with a famous person, be it Leonardo di Caprio or the Backstreet boys or a football team.
I never did that. I don't know why, but I was never completely and utterly in awe of a person, so much that I wanted to know everything about them, mimic their drive to better myself. Obviously there were famous people I liked, but never to the same extent as my other friends it seems. Thinking about it, maybe I did take inspiration from famous people, just not only one...I used to (still do sometimes) study famous people's paintings, copy them and try and see how they did it. While I suppose this is what I described, and obviously there were some that I liked more than others, I never had one that I fixated on completely, not for any length of time anyway.
There are good and bad things about this I suppose: The good side is that despite this, I did push myself in some areas. The bad side? I could have done more. If I had someone specific to follow, see whay they had done, would I have worked harder? I don't know. Like a lot of people, I admire my parents and how hard they work, especially my dad who came to this country like any other doctor that does and has done so well for himself. Though I suppose he would have done no matter where he was. Watching them when I was growing up did make me work harder, but still, as much as I love and respect my parents, I just don't think I'd use the word 'idolise'.
In fact, I probably don't really like the word. The reason I never really had an idol was because I could see and was aware that nobody is perfect. When my friends were obsessing over these people, it seemed like they couldn't see the things they'd done wrong. I suppose I figured that if you follow one person completely, not only would you end up with their success (if you're talented enough I assume!), but also their failures. It's not a given obviously, but I suppose one is just as likely as the other. I think I just prefer to make my own mistakes and follow my own pattern of things. Obviously its useful to have a formula or a pattern to follow, because that's how many people in the world work, but....I'm stubbornly independent at times. Foolish maybe, I know :)
Saying all this though, as I've got older, I have started to admire people more and more. I suppose I'm realising how hard it can be sometimes, how hard you have to work to really stand out from all the other hardworking people around you. I admire people like Albert Einstein for example, for his ideas and intelligence, along with many other people.
Still no idolisation, but one step closer...?
Monday, April 24, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
ok, BORED of talking and thinking about feelings now, instead I wanna talk about my trip to JAPAN!
It was an awesome trip. Spent the first couple of days in Tokyo, which is a huge, modern city, but increadibly clean, neat and organised. Saw a few sights there then took a tour to Hakone and Mt Fuji. It really was a a stunning view and they drove us up to the 5th station, half way up the mountain, as I said it was beautiful. From there we went to Kyoto and spent about 4 days there. Kyoto is a fantatic city, modern but incredibly cultural and ancient at the same time. There are about 200 temples and shrines alone! Obviously there's only so many temples you can look at though! Saw some of the most impressive, walked around a bit, shopped a bit, saw and did a few other things (including where the Shogun used to live a couple of hundred years ago, and how they detcted assassins and how his harem were trained in martial arts to protect him).
It was the cherry blossom season too making it all extra pretty. The people were so friendly, which really helped when you could hardly understand anything written down around you! Though there was a surprising amount of English on the trains and public transport systems, even though it seemed very few people actually spoke it.
It's also a very safe place, having a really low crime rate, so you don't feel to weary about flashing you camera about which is always good. Actually, speaking of technology - there is SO much cool stuff there! Bullet trains, self-flushing loos, loos with heated toilet seats, self-rotating train seats so they all face the direction the train is going, the cameras, phones. Oh, there are also vending machines EVERYWHERE. Especially in Tokyo, temple, shrine, random street...and it's almost all drinks. Rarely do you see chocolate or food machines. Ah, food. We had a few problems as my mum is veggie and everything there haas meat or fish in, but when we did get some real japanese food, it was actually really nice. Often there was quite a lot of small dishes, but it was rarely too much.
All in all, it was a great holiday :) Quite tired now, but it's to be expected! Will try and put a few photos on here when I get the chance. Back to uni on tuesday...life goes on....
ps. The photos on my page have all been lost because STOOPID WALAGATA closed their free accounts and neglected to imform me, so I wasn't able to transfer them. Hopefully I still have them on a computer somewhere, otherwise I guess it's time for a change of background!
xx
It was an awesome trip. Spent the first couple of days in Tokyo, which is a huge, modern city, but increadibly clean, neat and organised. Saw a few sights there then took a tour to Hakone and Mt Fuji. It really was a a stunning view and they drove us up to the 5th station, half way up the mountain, as I said it was beautiful. From there we went to Kyoto and spent about 4 days there. Kyoto is a fantatic city, modern but incredibly cultural and ancient at the same time. There are about 200 temples and shrines alone! Obviously there's only so many temples you can look at though! Saw some of the most impressive, walked around a bit, shopped a bit, saw and did a few other things (including where the Shogun used to live a couple of hundred years ago, and how they detcted assassins and how his harem were trained in martial arts to protect him).
It was the cherry blossom season too making it all extra pretty. The people were so friendly, which really helped when you could hardly understand anything written down around you! Though there was a surprising amount of English on the trains and public transport systems, even though it seemed very few people actually spoke it.
It's also a very safe place, having a really low crime rate, so you don't feel to weary about flashing you camera about which is always good. Actually, speaking of technology - there is SO much cool stuff there! Bullet trains, self-flushing loos, loos with heated toilet seats, self-rotating train seats so they all face the direction the train is going, the cameras, phones. Oh, there are also vending machines EVERYWHERE. Especially in Tokyo, temple, shrine, random street...and it's almost all drinks. Rarely do you see chocolate or food machines. Ah, food. We had a few problems as my mum is veggie and everything there haas meat or fish in, but when we did get some real japanese food, it was actually really nice. Often there was quite a lot of small dishes, but it was rarely too much.
All in all, it was a great holiday :) Quite tired now, but it's to be expected! Will try and put a few photos on here when I get the chance. Back to uni on tuesday...life goes on....
ps. The photos on my page have all been lost because STOOPID WALAGATA closed their free accounts and neglected to imform me, so I wasn't able to transfer them. Hopefully I still have them on a computer somewhere, otherwise I guess it's time for a change of background!
xx
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Gotta love rubbishy quizzes that make you feel good about yourself! :)
| Your Birthdate: April 22 |
 You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
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