Sunday, November 26, 2006

Snip. The clunk of wood on wood. The mechanism groans into action, slow to react after so long unused. However it was built well, the parts still function. Click, click, click - it's locked. The contents have grown too fragile for public view, the world too unreliable to be trusted. So with a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye, it goes into hiding, protected from the world until it is safe to come back.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Got my hair done today...



Funny how getting your hair done can be such a self esteem booster :)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Just heard this song for the first time in ages...

Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...
Sometimes I think I must be doing something wrong. Just being shouldn't take this much effort. But I'm strong and can get myself through this alone...right?

Even if it takes asking rhetorical questions to my own website.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Just found this somewhere, don't know if I ever posted it on here - if I didn't here it is! It's pretty old, but I still agree with it...

It annoys me when I see people doing or saying things because they want to be a certain kind of person. They look at a category or a stereotype and decide that that is the image they want to potray. I understand that people need these categories in order to make sense of the world around them, and that not everyone has the same categories, but I wish there were more people who were willing to only be influenced by them, not dictated to by categories. People tend to feel uneasy around people who don't seem to behave in the norm. If they've just stepped out of a mental institution, then maybe its justified. However, most unusual people have not just broken free of a mental asylum, but people are still unsure. It makes sense I suppose. People don't know how to deal with something/someone that they have no experience of or have not learnt about. What is it about people that makes us yearn for order and groupings? Is it just so that we know how to deal with and exist in the world around us? For survival - dangerous/safe? Thats what it all seems to come down to in the end. Survival. But I don't like that. Its so cold and unfeeling. My personal experience of life hasn't been like that, and even the unfortunate people I've met who do struggle to survive -they are not like that. Occasionally you sense a sort of numbness, tiredness....but always feeling. I don't know. I really do talk bollocks sometimes.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

In Flanders Fields

by John McCrae, May 1915

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

"The heart dies a slow death. Shedding it's hopes like leaves, until one day there are none"

From Memoirs of a Geisha. I read the book when it first came out, but only saw the film last night. I'd forgotten a lot of the detail - even how it ended, so it was enjoyable! It reminded me how beautiful Japan is though, and how much I love that satisfying clunk of wooden doors closing! (irrelevant, but this my blog and I'll be irrelevant if I want to!)

The parts of Japan I saw had a fantastic balance of nature and technology, apart from Toyko maybe, which is very urbanised (but still a great city). I suppose it has a lot to do with one of the main religions there - Shintoism, which is very much nature based. Thinking back, an overall impression (which may be right or wrong - who's to say?) is that Japan is a pretty balanced country. Stunning natural scenery, which they have harnesed and preserved, but at the same time technologically very modern and clean and practically crime free. It's not perfect obviously, the film just reminded me of all the things I loved about the place, but have never really mentioned.

Before going, I didn't fully understand why my grandad loves the country so much, he's been there quite a lot and his house is full of Japanese crafts and artifacts, but having been there, I think I can understand why that country would appeal to his personality :)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I was talking to my mum the other day about her parents and their lives. I don't know very much about my mum's parents - her mum died before I was born, and while her dad only died about a year and a half ago, he wasn't the kind of person i could just sit down and chat to..

But in a half an hour conversation, I learnt so much about him that I hadn't in 20 years. I knew that both of my grandfathers were self-made people (in terms of money, not conception or anything!) They both used incredible intelligence and hard work to make a decent place for themselves in the world, when they were both from poor backgrounds...but I have never known the details of my maternal grandfather's life. My mum told me how his father had actively encouraged him not to further his education because he wanted him to work as a clerk like others in the family...but my grandad managed to get a loan and supported himself that way despite that. He didn't go to university, but he started at the bottom and worked his way up, until eventually he was one of the top engineers. My paternal grandfather's life seems to have gone along similar vein. Knowing that it was their brains and hard work that has allowed me to live in the way I have really inspired me - I want to be able to provide the same opportunities for my kids.
I also learnt about my mum's mother...how her father had re-married after his 1st wife died in childbirth, and how she had to watch her step-brother beat her dad up towards the end of his life, because he wanted the house and money left to him - it sounds like her life had lead her to be a wise woman...I would have loved to have known her.

On a totally unrelated topic.....

I went for a run today in my local park. I go there all the time, but it's usually in the dark these days, when we walk the dogs there. I was running and running...surpising myself at how easy I was finding it, when a song I didn't like came on my music player, so I stopped to skip it. As I looked up, I took a deep breath in. The air was cold and fresh so I could feel it travelling down, re-energising my body. The ground was covered with firey orange leaves and the mud on either side of the path was still slightly wet from the night before, glistening in the evening light.

It was all breathtakingly beautiful. All I could hear was my music - the leaves were still apart from the odd flutter from a bird, the cold hung in the air, englufing my skin as I stood still in it. Just for a minute, I didn't feel lonely or sad or determined or worried. None of those daily feelings I've gotten so used to were there, I just felt...peace.

Which is just what I needed, even if it was only for a minute.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Fire and Rain - James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just cant remember who to send it to

Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again

Wont you look down upon me, jesus
Youve got to help me make a stand
Youve just got to see me through another day
My bodys aching and my time is at hand
And I wont make it any other way

Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows itll turn your head around
Well, theres hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
To come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, Ive seen fire and Ive seen rain
Ive seen sunny days that I thought would never end
Ive seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that Id see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought Id see you one more time again
Theres just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought Id see you, thought Id see you fire and rain, now

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Just came accross this on facebook - amused me!


Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries" This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the World's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of idiots I'm putting down South!"