It's times like this that I wish I believed in God. I don't just mean the knee jerk reaction of praying when you want something - that comes from being brought up in a religious family, it's a habit - not a belief.

I think there are some people that just naturally believe in God - despite the evidence, well, lack of evidence...but I'm just not one of those people. I have no problem with this at all - it would be great if a God did exist, but I'm just not inclined to believe in something so ferverently, when the only evidence I have is that people say so - that, and the fact that the God (gods? I was taught to believe Christianity and Hinduism until the age of 11!) I have been brought up with seem to be incredibly jealous and angry and self loving - qualities I wouldn't even want in a human partner, nevermind someone to worship!

But despite all this, sometimes I envy the solace religious people find in their faith, the peace it gives them when the world is shitting on them daily. Even when they feel alone, they always have that feeling of support from their community.

...Maybe that's my problem? That I don't identify with the communities I have been brought up with and feel am supposed to identify with.
Hinduism: As just mentioned - I am not religious...while I agree with many of the principles and find it fascinating, it feels hypocritical to call myself a Hindu.
Indians: Obviously I share a culture with Indian people, well British Indian people...but I've always felt outside of this. I don't speak and barely understand the language, I don't love bollywood (don't hate it either, but meh), I don't agree with a some of the cultural values, mainly the restriction of women (but granted that is MUCH worse in India), although saying that, there are some that I really do agree with.
One thing that I think really stands out to me, is that I don't feel this need to marry an Indian person. So many other British Asian people I know do feel this, even a lot of the anglicised ones. My family being from India is an important part of me, and a heritage I am proud of and would teach to my children - but it does not define who I am.

I could go on, but in the words of Gnarles Barkley - who cares? I guess I'm just feeling lost and rejected right now. I have something to give world - why won't you fucking take it?!