On understanding.

For quite a long time now, I've thought that knowing why you believe something is really important; that when you do something, you should know why you're doing it and not just because someone told you so. After all - it's your life, shouldn't you be allowed, as an adult, to make the decision on whether something is a good/desirable use of your time?

I've always wondered what the world would be like if every single human being knew why they were doing something. I don't mean on the basic level of 'they did this, so I'm doing that'. I mean at a deeper level, of why their action provoked your reaction. Why your culture values something over another thing, why other people might accept something that you can't, and why you choose to accept the beliefs that you do.

My theory has been that if people did behave this way, there would be a lot less fighting (though still some I'm sure), a lot more understanding and hopefully, more peace.

But everynow and again, I wonder if it really is such a good idea. In theory, I have no problem with it (unless someone comes up with a good reason why I should!), but is it really practical? Personally, I naturally try and see things from other people's point of view - to try and see why they're doing what they're doing, because if I disagree, I might be able come up with a more viable reason why, or if I agree - I know why I agree. But this creates the problem of being in a constant state of flux. I'm so busy trying to understand other people's thoughts and get into their heads, that often I end up doubting my own ideas, constantly questioning if I'm really happy with my values and beliefs.

Some people may think this is a healthy thing (which again, I agree with in theory), but in practice, this means that when someone challenges your ideas, you may not sound as convincing as you know you should, because you're always open to having your ideas changed. In theory (is there another word for theory?!), if you've properly considered all the opinions known to you, then you should be fine with defending your own. But again, in practice it's not always so easy to consider every opinion presented to you so thoroughly - there is only so much time in the day to think after all.

So while I still like this way of thinking and living my life, it does create difficulties, and at times lonliness, because in a sense you are alienated from the people of your culture who don't know why they're doing what they're doing (which in mine is possibly most of them). Like they say, 'ignorance is bliss' and in this case it may be true. From my observations, people who strongly believe in something (excluding all the crazy psycopaths/murderers/people who generally harm others etc) are usually part of a community and get a sense of belonging from that.

But possibly, partly because of the way I think, I don't have that sense; the feeling of really belonging anywhere. And this makes me envy those who do hold strong beliefs that can't be swayed, and makes me wonder - maybe understanding isn't as important as I think it is?