Sometimes I feel like I'm performing for the world around me. I laugh and I make jokes, becuase if I don't people start thinking there's something wrong. Soemtimes there is, sometimes there isn't, but generally if I want to talk about it I will. However, I've spent the better part of my life observing people. I was intensly shy until about 16 years...observing was something I came to like and be good at. Just because I'm more confident now, and actively join in conversations, doesn't mean I don't want to just be quiet and watch sometimes...although I do appreciate that people care.

Basically I wish I didn't feel the need to pretend to appear constantly happy. I'm not constantly happy..is anyone? Its tiring, and in the end, just makes me feel more lonely because at the end of the day, I don't have that close person with whom I feel I can share these things. I know my friends are there for me, but I guess I've always felt like they don't need to listen to my problems more than they already do.

I don't know, rant over.